Not A Creature Was Stealing

Monday, December 24th, 2012 • Filed under Other

There is a huge spike in donation around Christmastime, but shouldn’t we be generous all year? Of course, but maybe it’s a good thing we’re not.

Why? A man in Ontario (this was probably Canada’s most violent crime of the year) thought it’d be a good idea to steal some clothes from a Salvation Army bin at 2:30 am. Fortunately, he got stuck, with only his legs sticking out. According to The Star, policeman came by to get rid of the nuisance and deliver the clothing to the proper place.

Merry Christmas, everyone, hope it’s not too dumb!

View the original article here

Denim Demon

Let’s all take a moment to appreciate who does our laundry. Whether it’s your mother (sigh), your wife (okay…), or yourself (congratulations!). Maybe we even need a documentary on laundry-doers through the years…first in a river, then in a Laundromat.  *shudder*

Here’s one story that would definitely be featured. A man in Massachusetts became furious after his girlfriend received a text message from another male. He dropped her off at her house, then sent a text message threatening harm to a $200 pair of jeans. According to Huffington Post, the concerned girlfriend drove back to his house to find him standing in the front yard holding the pants, now covered in wasabi sauce. He ended up throwing them in her face and attempting to take her cell phone. Silly boyfriend, pants are for legs.

View the original article here

My Heart Will Go On

Sunday, September 9th, 2012 • Filed under Cars, Technology

How far would you go for love? For those of you Jacks and Roses out there, you probably know no limit. But for any Jacks and Megs, your love probably comes second to that of your instruments or saltines.

How about the 13 year olds on Xbox? One in particular was so enamored that she stole her brother’s car and mother’s debit card in preparation for a trek from Texas to Tennessee. This was after her Xbox, the means of communication with her “boyfriend”, had been confiscated. According to Scallywag And Vagabond, her father picked her up halfway through the trip and then even drove her the rest of the way. Sounds like agape to me.

View the original article here

Careers At Their Finest

Monday, September 3rd, 2012 • Filed under Drugs

Facebook? For jobs? That’s right, it’s called LinkedIn. And no, it’s not like you’re qualified based on how many pictures of cats you’ve published. Or how many Taylor Swift songs you’ve made your status. Or even *gasp*  how many times you’ve been “married” to a friend who also happens to be your “sister”…

Yeah, it gets bad. But at least nobody on Facebook is trying to advertise their meth business. Yet. A woman in Harris County was found out through her LinkedIn profile, on which she describes herself as a “Chemicals Professional”.  According to Houston Press, her rap sheet includes a number of other offenses, such as DWI, stolen goods, and assault. Not really the kind of professional they look for on the internet, hmm?

View the original article here

Everyone’s Favorite Wearable Rubber

Sunday, August 19th, 2012 • Filed under Cars, Drunks

Math question of the day. What is the result when you add alcohol, Taylor Swift, and Crocs together? No, not the world’s scariest teenage girl. (Obviously that’s the reinvented Miley Cyrus).

This story right here. A man known for co-founding the offensive footwear known as Crocs continued his less-than-necessary contribution to the world by being charged with a DUI. Emphasis on the I. After cursing out the officer who pulled him over, he claimed to have Taylor Swift for a girlfriend. According to Westword, when asked where she was, he pointed to a nearby backyard and said “Nashville”. Doesn’t get more believable than that.

View the original article here

Robin Hood Level: Stupid

Monday, August 13th, 2012 • Filed under Burglaries, Cars

Have you ever gotten a present you didn’t really ask for? A record, for instance. It’s thrilling that your friend is cool enough to be into vinyl, but there you have absolutely no way to listen to 12 inches of whatever obscure music your friend dug out of the ever-so-esteemed thrift store collection.

Even worse is when you receive a gift from a dumb criminal; it is probably safe to assume that they may not have the best taste.  Especially this man in Georgia who, after robbing one person’s car, left his acquired loot in a neighbor’s.  This was a wallet and camera, according to Dacula Patch. The owner of those decided not to press charges, but how about the guy whose stuff was in the burglar’s car?

View the original article here

Cheerio, Good Sir

Sunday, August 26th, 2012 • Filed under Banks, Robberies

If there’s one thing rarer than common sense, it’s common courtesy. Luckily this guy at least has the latter.

A man supposedly the age of thirty decided to rob a bank inside of Kroger (as politely as possible). A security camera took an exceptionally clear picture of him tipping his baseball cap to the teller who was being “so kind as to help him rip off the place”. According to Houston Press, he was able to finish the robbery and escape.  But probably not before wishing everyone in line a splendidly jolly day.

View the original article here

Uninvited Guest

Saturday, August 25th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

If you’re a girl, you’ve probably spent most of your youth dreaming of your wedding day. If you’re a guy,  you’ve probably spent most of your youth dreading it (I mean that’s it, pal, game over). However, I doubt anyone has fantasized about this happening.

A young woman invited a long-time friend to her afternoon wedding reception, apparently without knowing that he had a long-time mental illness. As a rather delayed proclamation of his love, he set his pit-bull mix on the guests and then beat up the groom with a set of brass knuckles. According to Westword blogs, he managed to get away and has caused the bride’s sister to sleep with a gun beside her. Honestly, a useless kitchen contraption from the Target gift registry would have sufficed.

View the original article here

Introducing The Vogue Spring Collection!

Saturday, August 11th, 2012 • Filed under Banks

Nobody looks through a fashion magazine expecting to see stuff they’d like to wear…right? “Yes, that’s a lovely pair of shorts; I especially love how it reaches her elbows.” or “Thanks, I’ve always wanted my make-up to look like a rainbow gasoline spill”. Honestly, just because an editor board of gay European men deems something trendy, does not mean you should invest in it.

Additionally, just because a Hispanic guy wears his shorts a certain way to rob a bank, does not mean you should follow suit. According to New Times, a man wearing shorts on his head walked into a bank and asked for “what are 20s and 50s”. When the bank-teller seemed confused, he simply stated “never mind” and left. Probably late to get his hair dry-cleaned.

View the original article here

No Emoji For that

Sunday, July 29th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

Thank goodness for texting, right? How else could that girl in the London Opening Ceremonies have found her phone if her friend didn’t have one too? And, of course, how could we have updated our Twitter/Facebook/Pinterest /calculator/refrigerator with our witty reaction to the enormous baby? However, read on to learn some downsides (gasp) of constant social connection.

Or maybe it’s more like a downside to crime is getting caught. Two young men in Florida discovered this after mugging two elderly women last April. Police had been investigating the case, and eventually acquired a warrant to search a suspect’s phone. According to New Times, its inbox contained poorly punctuated texts about the crime being on the news, and the suggestion to leave the state. Roflcopter and lmao.

View the original article here

“Are You Wired In Now?!”

Monday, August 6th, 2012 • Filed under Other

Anybody else wondering when Facebook will meet its eventual doom? You know, the darkness that eventually overtook MySpace. Granted, Facebook may have been that darkness.

If so, the darkness has spread to people as well, such as this young father from Minnesota. After his girlfriend broke up with him (not because he’s a nerd, but because he’s an asshole), she took the next step by blocking him on Facebook. According to City Pages, he arrived at her house after finding out, kicked down the door, and demanded an explanation. This little tantrum caused him to owe her over $2,000 and possibly 5 years in prison…and it still wasn’t as exciting as Eduardo’s.

View the original article here

Crime Pays

Once in a while, some credit should be given to the victims; it’s not always the criminals that make this site so delightfully stupid. Now, I’m not saying they deserve it, so don’t go out and rob someone because they like One Direction or vandalize their lawn for buying Snookie’s autobiography, but sometimes the innocent ones raise our self-esteem a bit as well.

So here’s what not to do when a bunch of teenage hooligans (or thugs, ruffians, hoodlums…pick your favorite) drive by and throw a milkshake in your face: toss back your alligator skin purse. A California woman is to thank for that lesson, whose purse happened to contain $2,000 in cash.  Palo Alto Online reports that she had thrown the purse in return for the milkshake to the face, but it ended up going right through the vehicle’s window. And into the hands of kids likely to buy 2 grand worth of frozen dairy.

View the original article here

The Cool Mom: You’re Doing It Wrong

Sunday, July 8th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Drugs, Drunks

Let’s just take a moment to admire all of our mothers and their uniquely wonderful qualities. Who else in your life is a chef who works as a full-time chauffeur and is a doctor or referee when needed, with some psychiatry going on the side? Extra points if she’s one of the few who didn’t run out and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey.

And even more points if she’s not this woman from Houston who threw a party for her middle schooler and three friends. Sounds innocent enough, right? Well, just add some beer, weed, and a butcher knife. According to Houston Press, a woman came to pick up her kid and found the host drunk off her butt. When confronted, she began punching and hitting the poor sober mother. Then, as if a point hadn’t been made, she retrieved an enormous knife from the kitchen and began making threats. Luckily, the other woman picked up her daughter and left safely. Another teen, unfortunately, had to be hospitalized for too much alcohol. Too bad people can’t be hospitalized for too much idiocy.

View the original article here

Ketchup With That?

Sunday, July 1st, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Drugs

In general, weed keeps people pretty chill, right? I mean, the only thing most smokers do is eat enormous mountains of food…until the hunger is replaced with another word beginning with H. Anyway, while I am by no means endorsing illicit plants of any kind, marijuana is not as bad as others. So why use the dangerous synthetic kind?

Here’s a reason why not. In the apparently whacko town of Waco, a young man was arrested for eating the family dog. Live. You know, like all the best sushi. According to Houston Press, he had assaulted all the members of the household before strangling the poor pooch and taking a bite. All under the influence of a synthetic weed called K-2. Not even bath salts this time.

View the original article here

Drunk Driving Level: Redneck

Monday, July 30th, 2012 • Filed under Cars, Drunks

Accounts of drunk driving always seem to get worse and worse. You never hear about the nice old man who had one too many glasses of Pinot Grigio at his 50th anniversary dinner and only dozed off at the wheel for a moment. Picture Alfred in the Batmobile.

Nope, it’s always stories like this. A young woman testified to Texas’ reputation on the Fourth after placing a grill still full of hot coals in the back of her truck. In the front was her 3 year old son who, as well as the mother, remained oblivious to the flames and smoke protruding from the bed. They still didn’t notice anything odd even when the fire marshal drove behind honking his horn. Luckily the woman hit a red light, moved her child and herself to safety, and blew about a 0.9. According to Houston Press, the truck wasn’t so lucky and was engulfed in flames, like the oldest special effect in the book.

View the original article here

Back Atcha

It’s stories like these that make me scared of college. Red Solo cups? Get me one. Eight hours of exams? Make it nine. A campus the size of Alaska? Bring it on. But frat boys and their pepper spray…haunt my nightmares.

A prime example can be found here at Westword Blogs, where two guys belonging to the Sigma Phi Epsilon fraternity got a hold of some pepper spray. And not just any kind, the kind used to fight off bears. Having been drinking all day, they decided a better use for it was a few sprays inside an unfortunate woman’s home. They then sprayed the can’s remainder into another frat house party, only to have the wind blow it back into their faces upon their escape. This is what you get, when you mess with…uh, pepper spray.

View the original article here

How To Be Single

Sunday, July 15th, 2012 • Filed under Drunks

Burritos are highly revered by the internet and college students everywhere, and it’s easy to see why. Every necessary food group–cheese, meat, rice, and cheese–is all wrapped up in the Spanish equivalent of bread. Just don’t look inside; burritos are much less appealing disassembled (like people).

They’re also a hit with drunk drivers, apparently. When a young man in Minnesota was arrested for drunk driving, he refused to comply with the police until he had finished his burrito, which had been spilling all over his lap. At first he bribed the officer with an offer of $1,000 to let him go home and sleep, but eventually relinquished and blew a .284—a measure over three times the state limit. According to City Pages, the mischief wasn’t quite over yet. The crook also urinated in his cell, and then flipped off the camera in his mug shot. Woah, too much class to handle.

View the original article here

Emergency

Sunday, July 8th, 2012 • Filed under Drugs, Drunks

Nature. A wonderful place full of flora and fauna that can all fit into one of three categories: cute, pretty, or freaking deadly. Kind of like women, except for some of those can fit into all three. Read on for a story that involves both.

A lady in Florida was investigated after calling the police to ask an incredibly important question: where in the woods she should urinate? I mean, the whole place is kinda one giant public restroom (every germophobe’s nightmare). The cops were suspicious and paid her a visit, only to find that she wasn’t in the woods at all. According to Citypages, she was found sitting on her front porch guzzling a beer. When the police looked in her cooler, they found a handgun. Further investigation concluded that the prank-caller was intoxicated with meth, and now she’ll have to find a restroom in jail.

View the original article here

Starting ‘Em Young

Sunday, August 5th, 2012 • Filed under Robberies

It’s always nice when kids help out around the house. Even if their idea of help involves scrambling around your feet as you try to talk on the phone while cooking dinner, holding another kid or two, doing dishes, destroying The Ring, and finding an alternative fuel source. Moms’ world problems!

If this is your life, at least you’re doing better than this couple in Pennsylvania. Mr. and Mrs. Kuntz (yes, veritably their names) were arrested after robbing an independent flower shop. The story here at WPXI says that they were both well-dressed and had their four year old daughter in tow. It’s possible that her cuteness was a distraction, because when the florist clerk came back from the greenhouse, the cash register filled with $400 had been stolen. Apparently the couple had been hitting various businesses in the area, obviously trying to be the “cool parents”.

View the original article here

Cellphone’s Dead

Wednesday, July 25th, 2012 • Filed under Drugs

It’s a little scary to think how many criminals got away with everything before cell phones were invented.  Then again, there may have been less back then. No cyber-bullying, at least. Because, you know, crime is crime and receiving an anonymous text hinting at your unkempt facial forest of acne is definitely the equivalent of finding a dead horse’s head in your bed.

A Cleveland policeman was asleep at 4 am when his cell phone began ringing, and continued to do so until a voicemail message sounded, saying something about a refund for a “$10 rock”. That’s slang for cocaine, not Linkin Park’s musical genre. The policeman, posing as the alleged drug dealer, agreed to meet the caller at a parking lot. According to NY Daily News, four people were then arrested for having drug paraphernalia in their possession. But apparently zero phone skills.

View the original article here

For $10k and Sex, Would You Let This Woman Out of a DUI?

By JJ Duncan on If you're a Wisconsin Dells police officer, the answer is a resounding NO.

When police placed Elizabeth Ann Kommes, 30, of Iron Mountain, Mich. under arrest for Driving Under the Influence, she pulled out all the stops. Explaining that the arrest would send her back to prison for parole violation, Kommes proceeded to offer sexual favors and $10,000 to her arresting officers if they would let her go.

Kudos to the Wisconsin police for keepin' it real and resisting temptation.

My favorite part of all this is Kommes mug shot. Don't she look feisty? meee-YOW!

(Article at the Portage Daily Register )

More Stupid Criminals Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

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I Swear I Answered B!

Sunday, June 24th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

What do you do in your spare time? If that list includes taking ridiculous personality quizzes online or in magazines, we need to talk. It’s fine if you’d like to know if you’re a good kisser, or what purse correctly matches your personal style. But once you start profiling what kind of kitchen utensil you are and which animal your sexuality resembles…it’s time to take up an instrument.

Hopefully, though, you don’t take these things to heart like this couple in Phoenix. After a long night of drinking and alleged fighting, the young woman called 911 and said her husband was choking her. Further investigation revealed that, at some point, he had thrown a bunch of kitchen knives to the floor and foolishly requested that his wife stab him. According to New Times, she ended up only cutting his back a bit. Why? Fighting over a quiz in Cosmopolitan magazine. Good, at least we know they weren’t over reacting.

View the original article here

But It’s Green Too!

Tuesday, May 29th, 2012 • Filed under Counterfeit, Drugs

Money isn’t everything, right? That’s what rich people say. Or people who write for Disney Channel, who are paid in packs of gum. Or people who consider themselves modern age philosophers but are really just quoting things off some internet database.

Sometimes…other things…can be substituted for money. Not legally, of course. After finishing a $10 meal at Denny’s (a crime in itself), a man he realized he was $9 short of the bill. Not a problem, though, because he remembered his emergency bag of marijuana. Shockingly, the cashier wouldn’t accept this as payment. He then proceeded to hawk his wares to everyone else on their 2 am Denny’s run, according to Digital Journal.

View the original article here

Stupid Criminal Gets Owned By Ninja Sword

By JJ Duncan on I was just saying the other day how I wish more crime stories involved swords.

What strange attraction do swords hold for perpetually adolescent males? Whatever it is, if you have a friend who buys swords, he probably gets made fun of a LOT (and deservedly so). But from Florida today we have the story of one man whose nerdy little thing for swords will never be mocked again.

Names have yet to be released, but apparently a knife-wielding thief forced his way into an apartment in Melbourne, Fla. Unfortunately for him, the guy living there was prepared... with a friggin' NINJA SWORD!

The thief was soon arrested and taken to a hospital with a big-ass cut on his arm from the katana blade wielded by his would-be victim.

Not only did the guy pull out a ninja sword to fend off his attacker, he actually got to use it. I admit it. I'm jealous.

Check out the photo gallery from WFTV-Ch. 9 in Florida. (Full story)

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BEDROOM FIRE!! WTF News of the Week (Florida Edition)

A mother decides to wake her daughter up by setting her room on fire!! WTF Stories of the Week! Yesterday's Quick News Update(s) Justin Bieber Punched In The Face - bit.ly Jason Russell Kony Meltdown - bit.ly Is Courtney Stodden 17? - bit.ly Amusement Park Accident - bit.ly Yesterday's...

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TX Man Sets New Personal Low: 4 DUIs in 2 Weeks

By JJ Duncan on Four DUIs in three states in two weeks and they let him out on a $200 bond.

Color me incredulous.

This is Caldwell, Tex. man Robert Hood's mugshot after he was arrested in Otoe County, Nebraska Sunday (July 14) morning. He had previously been arrested July 4 in Mitchell, S.D., July 7 in Deadwood, S.D., and again on July 8 in Platte County, Wyo.
It seems like it would take some real conscious effort to put together a driving record like that in less than two weeks. Either this guy is really dumb or really determined to prove he is the World's Drunkest Driver.

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And The Fourth House…

Monday, June 11th, 2012 • Filed under Theft

Maybe sometimes it’s not so much a case of dumb criminals as it is dumb crimes. I mean, maybe some of the heists are pulled of ingeniously. It’s just that the heists are the kind of thing taken seriously by absolutely nobody.

Like this one. Ever need 400,000 toothpicks? Here’s your guy. A manufacturer located in Athens was shocked to find that $3,000 worth of toothpicks had disappeared. Mysteriously so, because there were no signs of forced entry, according to Huffington Post. More suspicions as to the crook’s motives were cleared up when two of the factory’s employees reported seeing a man selling containers of toothpicks at the flea market. Now that sounds like a wild party scene.

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DISGRASIAN OF THE WEAK! Epistoleasian David Tuason

By disgrasian on | From disgrasian.blogspot.com David Tuason: America's Most Wanted Pen Pal

Let's face it. Nobody writes letters any more. And that's just sad. We'd like to bring letter-writing back, so we present our DOTW this week in epistolary fashion:

Dear David,

You like writing letters? Us, too! Let's be friends.

pen pals 4eva,

DISGRASIAN

Dear David,

You also hate Clarence Thomas and Derek Jeter?! So do we!!! Clarence Thomas, because of Anita Hill and his wack-ass politics. Derek Jeter, cuz he's a Yankee. We have so much in common!

your partners in haterasian,

DISGRASIAN

Dear David,

You held a grudge for 20 years? Dayum, man. That's more hardcore than Jen's dad, who will disown you if you have, like, bad taste in movies. We're not sayin' that that's healthy or anything. But it is pretty darn Asian.

good luck with that,

DISGRASIAN

Dear David,

Hold up. You hate black people? And you wrote over 200 hate letters and emails to black men because a black guy "stole" your girlfriend 20 years ago? Duuude. You got problems. We are sooo not down with you. Neither is the U.S. justice system, which just sentenced you to three years in the clink.

enjoy prison,

DISGRASIAN

P.S. Forget about us writing to you in prison or, like, ever again. Because, like Jen's dad, we hold a pretty mean grudge ourselves. And once, as Heidi Klum would say, you're out, your ass is out, naw mean?

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Stupid Criminals: Teen Queen Edition Featuring Lindsey Evans

By Tatiana Guertin on If only Miss Louisiana Teen USA Lindsey Evans would have paid her $46.07 dinner tab she would still have her crown. But, proving that beauty queens are a little lacking in the brain department, Evans not only skipped out on her tab, but left her purse full of pot at the restaurant.

Rule #1 of the dine-and-dash: You should definitely remember to take your purse or wallet with you.

When Evans returned to the restaurant to grab her purse she was arrested on theft and charges of marijuana possession after police searched her bag and found a stash of pot.

Rule #1 of carrying pot on you: Don't commit a crime, if you do don't leave your pot behind with your personal information.

Come on! Is a little common sense too much to ask for in a beauty queen?

With only 10 days left on her reign Evans was stripped of her title. You can't say she didn't deserve it.

Related Articles:A happily married woman. The owner of the cutest dog ever. A journalism graduate. A girl who just loves sports and beer, preferably at the same time.

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Mom Steals Daughter's Identity to Become a Cheerleader

By JJ Duncan on When 33-year-old Wendy Brown showed up for high school cheerleader practice, a couple of the girls noticed she looked a little old for 15, but no one said anything.

"She did look a little insignificantly older, but you didn't want to question it," student Spencer Corpus told CBS News. "You just go aw, alright, whatever."

It turns out Brown, who has a criminal background involving identity theft, was posing as her daughter to pass herself off as a student at Ashwaubenon High near Greenbay, Wis. The plot sounds like something taken right out of a teen high school movie, but instead of ending on a big kiss, this plot ended with an arrest.

Brown was discovered when she failed to show up for school for four consecutive days and the check for her cheerleader uniform bounced.

When school officials investigated Brown's background, they found that her daughter was still living in Pahrump, Nevada.

More from the AP Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

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Joker Caught Stealing Batman Junk

By JJ Duncan on Thanks to the Internet, 20-year-old Spencer Taylor will have to live with this mug shot for the rest of his life.

It must have seemed like a good idea at the time. Go see "The Dark Knight" dressed like the Joker and rip off all the Batman goodies you can get your hands on.

And he would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling ticket takers.

Taylor was physically restrained by employees until police could arrive. That's right boys and girls. In real life the Joker can't even handle the kid working the popcorn stand, nevermind a millionaire ninja in a bat mask.

After that he was arrested and booked on felony larceny and malicious destruction of property charges.

The Joker gets away with that stuff all the time in the movies, but head down to the theater and try this stunt and you too could end up with the mug shot of a lifetime.

Here's Spencer without his make-up, sporting that deer-in-the-headlights look instead.

(More at WWMT-TV )

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It’s A Crime They’re So Stupid…

By sbraccia on | From wncn.info   Like a perpetual motion machine that just keeps on running, we seem to have an endless supply of criminals who are not the brightest bulbs on the marquee of life… Check ‘em out in this latest edition of:   A STORYBOOK ENDING…. Generally, the art of burglary is best executed if you leave the place you’ve robbed once [...] Related Articles:

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Stupid Criminals: 'We've Got Boobies!'

By JJ Duncan on That's how Federal Security Guard Darin Earl Wanless cheerfully announced the fruition of his master plan to his coworkers.

That plan? To capture women undressing using the security cameras placed on top of the U.S. Courthouse complex in downtown Spokane, Washington.

If that sounds like a plot point from "Revenge of the Nerds" that's because it is (skip to 0:58 ).

Wanless reportedly succeeded in his quest for 'boobies' 22 times, according to court documents. But while the Nerds got away Scot free, Wanless will have to register as a sex offender for the next 10 years.

Yeesh. Real life sucks. (More at the Spokesman-Review )

(Darin Wanless pictured above)

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Guy tries to rob a gun store with a knife...(do I even have to say it ?)

By funnyblog on | From crazyinspace.blogspot.com
Well I was on the same website as last time, and this time I found this, Is it just me or are these people getting stupider and stupider, I meanseriously, who tries to rob a gun store with a knife!Related Articles:

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Would-Be Robber is Most Embarrassing Dad Ever

By JJ Duncan on If you think you can't catch a break, consider Stephanie Martinez.

The young Denton, Texas woman has it bad enough working as a clerk for Pizza Patron. But things just got worse the night of Friday, July 11 when a man in a wig and sunglasses walked in and demanded money.

Things turned from bad to OMFG WTF when a fellow clerk foiled the would-be robber by punching his lights out, thus knocking off his wig and sunglasses and revealing Martinez' father.

Stephanie wasn't in on it. She didn't even know it was her father, Benjamin Ramirez, until the wig fell off.

To make matters even more way terrible, Ramirez then stumbled into the getaway truck where Stephanie's mother and husband were waiting. Yeesh.

The police have said they believe Stephanie when she says she didn't have anything to do with the robbery, but that has to be little consolation for having to endure such weirdness.

Stephanie's mother, father and husband were all arrested for the incident. Here are the mug shots. (See the Denton-Record Chronicle's article here .)

Benjamin Ramirez         Sonia Ramirez              Jose Miguel Martinez 

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Stupid Criminals: 911 Doesn't Care About Your Sandwich

By JJ Duncan on I've been to Subway enough times to know that if I want an edible sandwich, I have to make it VERY clear that I only want the tiniest bit of mayonaisse on my Cold Cut Trio.

Nothing is worse than biting into a footlong and feeling it coat your chin and shirt in that slimy discount mayo they smother all over a perfectly good sammich. I've complained. Once I even got a coupon for a free sandwich. But it never occurred to me that there might be a higher authority to whom I could voice my complaints.

I must not be nearly as clever as Reginald Peterson, the 42-year-old Florida man who became so angry with Subway's Sandwich Artists that he did take his complaints to a higher authority.

He dialed 911.

Then he dialed again when police didn't show up fast enough.

Then he got arrested for placing false 911 calls.

Peterson was not willing to compromise. His sandwich needed a police escort to be made correctly and he wasn't leaving until that's exactly what happened... or until police handcuffed him and threw him in a squad car.

Oh well, maybe the sous chefs down at County will be more attentive to the way old Reggie likes his sandwich made.

(Reginald Peterson's mug shot pictured above)

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Man arrested for stealing ladies' socks... for the fourth time

By JJ Duncan on Old habits die hard. Especially when they're part of some weird perversion related to womens' socks.
Meet James Dowdy. He's 36, hailing from Belleville, Ill. and boy does he want to get his mits on your socks. Dowdy was arrested Monday for breaking into a family's basement and trying to get away through the window with an armful of socks.

Dowdy has already served in time in PRISON for stealing socks. He was convicted of the strange thefts in 2004, 1997 and 1994. But with those long gaps between his sentences, you have to wonder... how many unknown victims are out there?

Maybe I'm wrong though. Maybe it isn't some weird perversion. Maybe this is just the guy responsible for all those times you lose just one of a pair of socks. But that just makes him more sinister in my opinion.

More stupid criminals. Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

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Stupid Criminals: Copper Thief 'Never Been in a Jam Like This'

By JJ Duncan on Talk about being stuck between a dumpster and a hard place.

Gibson Cook, 56, found himself in a precarious situation when he went scavenging for scrap metal in a DIllon County, S.C. landfill. And the local Sheriff's deputies were kind enough to take embarrassing pictures.

You know what happens when you stick your hand too far in the Pringles can? That's kind of how it went down with Gibson.

He crawled and he reached and crawled and reached and when he finally grabbed that mess of copper wiring in his grimy little mitt he realized he'd gone too far. So he took the only option left to him: he screamed like a little girl until someone lifted that thing off him. At least that's how I like to imagine it happened.

""He's one of our local petty thieves," deputy Wayne Kirby said. "But he has never been in a jam like this."

Looking at Gibson's picture following the harrowing incident, he doesn't seem that fazed. At least he didn't pee his pants, which is more than you could probably say for yourself were you to be pinned beneath a two-ton metal dumpster.
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Husband arrests his wife

By myheartnote on | From myheartnote.com

ASHWAUBENON, Wisconsin —  A Public Safety officer was tired of his wife denying she didn’t steal his wallet.  He handcuffed her and told her she was under arrest.  He is facing charges for false imprisonment, a felony, and disorderly conduct, a and misdemeanor.  Thomas Benike and Heidi Benike had been married for 12 years and have four children.  In November, Heidi filed for divorce, and Thomas is allowed to visit the kids.  He had been working as an officer for six years.

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That’s Nacho Car

Mexican food is just delicious. I mean, there’s nothing like a balanced diet of chips, salsa, and whatever food item you can’t finish because you ate too much of the first two. But what if this particular ethnic cuisine started showing up in unexpected places?

Well, then you might be living in Seattle. A crook by the name of the Tortilla Car Vandal does…well, exactly what his name implies. He shattered the window of a Jeep, but didn’t actually steal anything. Instead, he left a pile of tortillas scattered across the car’s floor, as it says on HP. If he continues, they might even make him the main character a children’s picture book.

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Stupid Criminals: Man Arrested For Impromptu Demolition Derby

By JJ Duncan on Maybe he thought they were all out to get him. Maybe he just had a bad day.

Whatever the reason, Fort Worth man Michael John Holden decided it was time to play demolition derby with his white Toyota Tundra pickup truck and no one else was privy to the information.

Late evening Wednesday, Holden allegedly began ramming his pickup straight into a number of cars in a parking lot. Then he drove to another parking lot and did it again.

Instead of fleeing the scene, Holden sauntered into a nearby bar, the Star Light Sports Lounge, where police soon nabbed the allegedly intoxicated Holden. He'd been followed by a witness who told police right where he could be found.

Witnesses do tend to notice when you go on a rampage and smash up 17 vehicles at an estimated cost of $75,000.

(More from DallasNews.com) Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

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Stupid Criminals: Kill the Lawnmower! KILL IT! KILL IT!

By JJ Duncan on Consider the plight of Keith Walendowski.

Just like anyone would, when his lawnmower began to act up he assumed the time had come. Call it the Apocalypse. Call it the Rise of the Machines. Call it running out of gas. Whatever it was, Keith was ready for it.

He pulled out his illegally-short-barrelled shotgun and blew that motherfucker to Kingdom Come.

"I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want."

Unfortunately for him, the cops didn't agree. (More at CJOnline.com )

Thanks for the mugshot Keith! *muah*

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Sorry, We Only Carry S and XS

Sunday, June 17th, 2012 • Filed under Other

I believe I speak for all straight females when I say the scariest thing about Halloween is probably the lack of fabric worn on this day every year. “A bikini and mouse ears? You’re a mouse. A bikini and glasses? Soooo nerdy. A bikini and fangs? You’re Edward Cullen!”

A prison in Washington recently became the central spot for this kind of sartorial shenanigans. Apparently, somebody was troubled that the inmates were sitting around with nothing to do. To solve this “problem”, the prisoners were entrusted with the task of sewing uniforms for the guards. Now, how could that possibly go wrong? According to Seattle Weekly, officials started receiving complaints about the outfits being too tight in places and too loose in others, as well as zippers and buttons breaking off. The makeshift sexiness was to excite the lonely criminals, we presume. Next time, hire a jail full of tailors.

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Kid arrested for delivering pot-filled cookies totally innocent

By JJ Duncan on Christian Phillips was totally telling the truth when he said he was innocent of delivering pot-filled cookies to police officers.

Tests revealed the truth. Score one for the kid!

------
Here's my original post (for which I'm now eating crow). I get it. You're young, you're out to have a good time, and hey, what's the harm in a little prank?Well, maybe if you're going to deliver pot-filled cookies in little baskets to police officers, do it BEFORE you turn 18!Christian Phillips is our latest stupid criminal. Under the guise of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), he dropped off the weed-stuffed goodies at not one, but two different cop stations. Reports are it wasn't subtle either.“It reeked of it,” said Lt. Thomas Cain, a Blue Mound police spokesman. “It wasn’t hard to tell. Anyone that’s been around marijuana before would have known.”(Pictured above: Christian Phillips)
Here's the full story at dallasnews.com

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Check out some videos on stupid criminals

Robbing a surveillance Store
Man shoots self in junk
Can't open the door
Can't catch 'em all Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

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YOLO Doesn’t Apply To Gaming

Sunday, June 17th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

Ready for another battle in the endless war of girlfriend vs. video games? Come on, guys, I know we’re not talking dragons or machine gun spaceships…but we are part of real life. Maybe you should check that place out.

An Oklahoma man living with his girlfriend and her kids found himself in a tight situation. He had planned for a night of quality time with his Xbox, but this was sabotaged when the children wanted to watch their shows on their single TV. His girlfriend took her kids’ side, and as a result was grabbed by the neck and thrown onto a couch (X, up, down, triangle). According to City Pages, she called the police, but the guy insisted that he “loves his girlfriend”. Probably to gain health points.

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Cop Fired For Extorting Coffee from Starbucks

By JJ Duncan on He hasn't been charged, but he failed a polygraph, was fired and extortion is criminal and YES it is stupid to say the following to a Starbucks clerk:

"If something happens, either we can respond really fast or we could respond really slow. I've been coming here for years and I've been getting whatever I want. I'm the difference between you getting a two minute response time, if you needed a little help, or a fifteen minute response time."

Those are the alleged words of Lt. Major Garvin, of Daytona Fla. The rogue officer reportedly hit up the coffee shop up to six times a day for his complimentary java fix.

(Read the full story here. )

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Parenting Level 0

Monday, June 4th, 2012 • Filed under Uncategorized

Ladies and gentleman, please give a warm round of applause to our newest entry in the Mother Of The Year contest! This year’s competition is in honor of….never mind.  I can’t make Casey Anthony jokes; my mom would kill me.

In case her fluorescent pink hair and young age weren’t proof enough of her terrible mothering skills, a Phoenix women was having a bit of trouble bringing home her one month old son. And by a bit of trouble, I mean she drove away with him on the roof. According to Project 961, she had put his baby carrier up there and forgotten about it. This might have suspiciously had something to do with all the beer and pot she and her boyfriend had employed beforehand. Luckily, the child wasn’t hurt, and police arrived at Pinky’s house after receiving calls reporting an abandoned baby. That’s baby, not Christmas tree.

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“Too Late To Apologize”

Sunday, May 20th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

It’s that time of year again, ladies and gentleman: Creepy Couple Competition. My entry is the pair of slightly angsty middle schoolers who referred to each other as “Pudding Cup” in their duration of couple-dom. Feel free to hate on the love in the comments below.

This kind of thing exists in the celebrity world as well. Eddie Fisher, the drummer for One Republic, had been dating a Playboy model. The good life, right? According to Westword, they had gotten into a fight that resulted in bruises and scrapes, as well as the bathroom sink ending up on the floor. There is a lot of dispute surrounding who actually hit who, but I assume a drummer would have the better aim.

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Uncle Gives 1-Year-Old Beer Because 'He's a Champ!'

By JJ Duncan on Hey, I don't care if you think "he can handle it," don't give beer to your infant nephew.
On June 25, 2008, Richard H. Valens, 44, of Muncie, Ind. gave beer to a one-year-old, claiming he could "handle it" because "he's a champ." His girlfriend tried to stop him, so of course he punched her in the face, took off in her SUV and screamed threats and obsceneties while fleeing the scene.

Upon being arrested when he returned a short time later he quipped: "I've been in prison. Send me back, I don't ------- care."

*sigh*

In the real of stupid criminal actions, you couldn't do much worse. Let's take a look at the charges Valens racked up in this little dust-up.
Domestic batteryAuto theftNeglect of a dependentAll three are Class D felonies carrying maximum three-year prison term.

Here's the Chicago Tribute write-up. Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

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MR. MOJO & HOW TO GET A FREE FUNERAL - WTF

How to get a free funeral! Toledo police have arrested a 57-year-old Michigan man and charged him with abuse of a corpse for allegedly "fondling" a woman's body at a west-side funeral home. Also, man calls 911 to report he's invisible, Hidden meth lab in nursing home, a weird church burglary,...

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Crossdressers Can Be Stupid Criminals Too

By Tatiana Guertin on Peter Abramczyk poses for his mug shot at a Concord, N.H. police department. (Image Source The Smoking Gun)

Apparently 39-year-old Peter Abramczyk of Connecticut wasn't aware that putting adds that solicit sex on Craigslist is not OK with the police.

Abramczyk was caught after an ad he placed on Craigslist for the availability of a "passable crossdresser" was found by police, who answered the ad, using an undercover police officer.

He agreed to meet the officer to exchange in a sex act for money.

The most embarrassing part of this whole thing is probably that, for the rest of his life, Abramczyk is going to be known as that guy wearing makeup in his mug shot.

Still, he kind of deserves it, soliciting prostitution, which is illegal in most states, on Craigslist, is not the smartest idea. If you're curious, TheSmokingGun.com has a copy of the Craigslist ad.

Related Articles:A happily married woman. The owner of the cutest dog ever. A journalism graduate. A girl who just loves sports and beer, preferably at the same time.

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One Facebook Album Coming Right Up

Sunday, June 24th, 2012 • Filed under Technology

No girl likes to be stuck in the middle of the eternal Boyfriend vs. Parents war, but if any of you out there have been her, the frustrated boyfriend, or the we-hate-him-only-because-we-love-you parent…at least be thankful that no battle was ever this bad.

After the breakup, the 17 year old male half of a teen relationship was distraught. Because, of course, high school S.O.’s are always The One. Desperate to talk to his 15 year old ex again, he texted her mother a topless picture the girl had sent him. According to Houston Press, he threatened to post it and other pictures all over the web unless he was granted permission to speak to her daughter. Much to his surprise, she called the cops. And that, ladies, is why they belong in your shirt.

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'World's Greatest Dad' Sought Sex With 14 y/o Girl

By JJ Duncan on I'm almost speechless. Never have stupidity and tastelessness been combined more seamlessly into one man.

This is Daniel Allen Everett. He's 33, from Clarkston, Mich. and he was arrested in this T-shirt after he went online and arranged a meeting for sex with what he thought was a 14-year-old girl.

Soaked that picture in? Take another look if you need to, I'll wait.

Done?

OK. Yeah. Ick.

Everett now faces two felony counts and could spend as much as 20 years in prison. I can't decide which punishment is worse: losing 20 years in the slammer, or being immortalized in the creepiest mugshot ever.

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Subscribe to Stupid CriminalsRelated Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

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Spitting Or Non-Spitting?

Sunday, April 22nd, 2012 • Filed under Caught on tape

Fast food seemed like a great idea at the time, but it’s gotten just downright scary. French fries are probably filled with more meat than the actual “burger” is, and Taco Bell fills its crispy shells using a legitimate meat tube. Like, my (imaginary) dog receives better nutrition.

Even worse, now we have to worry about how the workers prepare food, in addition to the dangers of ingesting said food. According to Los Angeles Times, an employee in a South Carolina McDonald’s pulled the nasty trick of spitting in a customer’s drink. The alleged story is that a mother and daughter requested another order of sweet tea because the first “wasn’t sweet enough”. Instead of adding more sugar, the employee added his own special ingredient…only to be caught on camera later when the customers complained. Can’t imagine why, nothing’s healthier than fresh DNA.

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Furby: Not Recommended For…Anyone

Sunday, March 25th, 2012 • Filed under Guns, Murderers

Everyone has something from their childhood that haunts them to this day. I, for instance, will forever be terrified of Gushers, because I feel no desire to have my head replaced with giant fruit. Please share in the comments which ridiculous images still lurk in your earliest memories.

Not surprisingly, Furbys are considered to be horrifying as well. But is it horrifying enough to shoot? According to Huffington Post, a man claimed he had shot his long-time girlfriend by accident. However, a testimony by one of his friends raised suspicion. She told of how their group of four was sitting and drinking one afternoon, when the man became so enraged by a noisy Furby on the table that he threatened to “blow its brains out”. Furby continued to speak, so he shot it right between its eyes. This story served as proof of the man’s temper and accuracy, both of which could have played a part in the murder of his wife. And Furby. A moment of silence, please.

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“Sweetheart, You Know That Don’t Thrill Me.”

Friday, April 20th, 2012 • Filed under Other

How far would you go to get out of the friendzone? Show up with chicken noodle soup on a sick day? Send the sexiest of sexy pictures? Suffer through an Indiana Jones movie or an episode of Pretty Little Liars with said friendzoner?

I bet you can’t beat these guys! When a Nebraska woman decided she didn’t want to show up for her probation appointment, she took procrastination to the extreme by asking her two male friends to stab her in the stomach and shoulder. Dedicated fellows, it seems. According to AJC Mobile, she was sentenced to a year in prison. While this seems appropriate, I can’t even put a name to the law she could’ve have violated. “Thou shalt not request a stabbing?”

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Bonding Time!

Sunday, April 1st, 2012 • Filed under Robberies

Maintaining a decent mother-daughter relationship can be tough. There’s always the controlling mom trying to “relive the glory days” through her high school kid. Or the mom who’s so clueless she still thinks twilight is a time of day. But worst of all is the mom who wants to be considered a friend, and ends up swapping hookup tips at the dinner table. Like, uh, please pass the awk?

But if all else fails, you two can commit crimes together! An almost-60 year old woman and her 30 year old daughter were caught speeding away from a Regions bank with the loot and a gun in the car. The mother had walked in with a wig and gun to demand cash, while the daughter waited in the getaway car. According to Houston Press, this isn’t the first time they’ve had this type of outing. At least it beats Toddlers and Tiaras…

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Pics Or It Didn’t Happen

Friday, April 20th, 2012 • Filed under Cars, Caught on tape

It’s not official ‘till it hits Facebook, right? There’s no science homework unless someone writes a whiny status. They’re not dating until make-out pictures gack up your news feed. And, of course, someone is your friend if, and only if, you click “confirm”.

This rule even applies to criminals! A young man in Kentucky might’ve been going through a dry spell with his girlfriend, so they spent a wild night siphoning gas from a police car. She took a picture of him flipping off the camera in the act and stuck it on Facebook, because that’s the kind of classy couple they are. According to WKYT, the boyfriend claimed he had not actually taken gas from the car. When investigated further, he said he had “tried but there wasn’t much in it”. He ended up spending a night in jail, sans the f*ck-you flip-flops.

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I Can Haz Moneh

Sunday, March 11th, 2012 • Filed under Break-Ins, Burglaries

Little kids can be great. They cheer you up when you’re down, make you more attractive to the opposite sex, and are hilarious when swearing on Youtube.

But how often can they stop a burglar? A man in Germany walked into a house one evening with every intention of robbing it, and held up a gun to the poor babysitter’s face. The two children heard the commotion, and ran upstairs. Much to the robber’s surprise, they came back down with their hard-earned savings in hand. According to The Local, the man was embarrassed/shocked/ashamed/touched (insert description of choice) and turned around and left. Looks like the police department has some possible new recruits.

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You Make Me Nervous, So…

Monday, March 19th, 2012 • Filed under Robberies, Theft

First dates are traumatic. Dating, in general, is such a stressor. It would be so much easier to live in fairy tale-time…where you saw a hot guy riding a horse, sang to him, and lived happily ever after. And never had to worry about bad breath or tripping on your fancy heels.  Heck, sometimes all you have to do is sleep until he shows up.

But if you think you’ve had some terrible dates, check out True Crime Report. A young man, going by the name of Florenciano Valentino, took a girl out to lunch…while his friend robbed her garage of $5,000 worth of electronics. In addition, “Mr. Valentino” also snatched his date’s cell phone and left her with the bill. Silly. Every guy knows that most women don’t do theft ‘till the second date.

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Thrilling

Sunday, May 13th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Guns

“I couldn’t dance if my life depended on it.” Yes, I do believe dance is a dying art. Just look at the New Jersey fist pump. I dare you all to go to da clubb and start breaking out some grand jetés and pas de cheval.

Speaking of awkward dancing situations, a man in Idaho was legitimately forced to moonwalk. According to HP, his friend had been pointing a rifle at him demanding that he performed the Michael Jackson classic. Later, of course, it came out that it was just a pellet gun. Right. And the King Of Pop is still alive.

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Purple Stain

Sunday, March 18th, 2012 • Filed under Drugs, Smugglers

You know what’s gross? Blood. You know what’s even grosser? THAT kind of blood. Yeah, because it’s not enough for women to give birth, do laundry, AND take care of men…they also need their abdomen turned inside out once a month. Fun. Oh, and this article gets grosser, so reader (procrastinator) discretion is advised.

Strangely enough, one woman was able to use Mother Nature’s visit to her advantage. After she reported to the jail for a probation violation, she was arrested again for drug possession. She had managed to hide a marijuana joint under a Maxi pad in her underwear. According to BG Daily News, she freaked out and claimed she had forgotten it was there; it was her “good luck roach”. Obviously, it wasn’t working…

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Girl Power: You’re Doing It Wrong

Sunday, April 29th, 2012 • Filed under Arson, Assaults

Sadly, marriage isn’t forever anymore. Divorce isn’t forever either (Though I’m not suggesting Kim Kardashian was really that guy’s soulmate. Or anyone’s.). So what’s the solution?

BURN IT ALL. According to Houston Press, a young woman starting by giving her husband a sensual massage, and ended by setting him afire. And not metaphorically. Turns out the oil she had been rubbing him with was actually gasoline, which came in handy when she put one of the romance-inducing candles to his skin. He was rushed to the hospital as their home burned down. Evidence suggests that the attempted murder was premeditated, and our little Chicago wannabe was arrested on charges of arson and aggravated assault.

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Can You Say “Whipped”?

Sunday, April 8th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Murderers

Believe it or not, there is an endangered species of men out there who would reduce themselves to complete slaves for a girl. Even if that girl happens to be his mother….

Here’s one British guy who’s really in love (coughcoughImeanhorny), according to Huffington Post. His girlfriend, traumatized by recent events, got angry and plunged a 12-inch knife into his back while he was asleep. His spleen, pancreas, and liver were all damaged; injuries that would have been fatal if not for an immediate surgery. Yet he proposed to her in court, after having visited and forgiven her in jail (once he had spent MONTHS recovering). Better to be forever in danger than forever alone, right?

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They Said I Could Be Anything…

Interesting how many parents name their kids after what they want them to be. That’s probably where you get poor suckers like Abraham Lincoln Jones, or Einstein Matthews. But, I mean, if that’s acceptable, why not take it further? I’ll give birth to Secret Agent and Rock Star.

According to The Smoking Gun, Fellony committed a felony. Yes. A young woman named Felony was arrested after attacking another woman with a glass in a bar fight after a dancing mishap. Which, I mean, is pretty BA. Her name could have been Loiter or DUI which would not make AS sexy a movie scene as this crime.

View the original article here

London Bridge

Sunday, May 13th, 2012 • Filed under Forgery, Theft

So this sounds like something straight out of Despicable Me. Which is great, because who doesn’t wanna read about those adorable eyeballed Twinkie-like creatures? LOSERS, that’s who.

Losers also steal odd things, especially in the Czech Republic. Oh, those Czechs. According to The Telegraph, metal thieves managed to dismantle and steal a 10-ton bridge. And not a Lego one. How? The crooks handed over forged paperwork claiming that the bridge had to be torn down. Those who signed the check didn’t realize until too late that they had been bridge-napped.  So now what? Having 10 tons of scrap metal seems just as much of an inconvenience as losing it.

View the original article here

Bucket List

Friday, May 11th, 2012 • Filed under Other

What’s on your bucket list? Slurping down live squid? Hitching a ride on the back of a stranger’s Harley? Participating in a good old-fashioned swordfight? OR all three simultaneously?

However, if that’s too hardcore for you, bro….you can always just ride a unicycle in the nude. A middle-aged man in Houston can now take pride in saying he has accomplished said task. In public. According to Houston Press, he was arrested for indecent exposure while crossing a highway bridge. But hey, all exposure is good exposure.

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Dumb Criminals Ink

Sunday, April 8th, 2012 • Filed under Other

Something we haven’t seen in a while: tattoos. Actually, we see them every day….the I-was-drunk-and-in-college skulls, the we-were-in-love-forever-until-he-cheated hearts, the Asian-is-totes-a-cool-language Chinese symbols, and the imprint-motherhood-onto-my-body-even-more pictures of kids’ faces. So what I really mean is that they haven’t been on here for a while.

Three young men were walking their dogs on a fine Idaho afternoon when a police officer suggested they move to a sidewalk. Harmless, right? One of the dog-walkers looked as though he might run away, so the officer became suspicious and asked for identification. As it says here on HP, the man gave his name and birthday, which didn’t show up later in the police database. Turns out he had given the officer a fake last name, an accusation that was confirmed by the tattoo of his actual name on his forehead. Apparently these things are easy to forget…

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There’s No Place Like The…Jail

Sunday, March 25th, 2012 • Filed under Other

Bad karaoke is bad for anyone involved. The person up there, envisioning spotlights and a sexy bass player and a crowd of thousands…. is just embarrassing herself. And the poor people listening are probably restraining themselves from pulling an Airplane! by trying out various suicide methods.

Most of the time, though, we just deal with it. A singer in a Florida Applebee’s did not, which became apparent when the fighting started. (Must have been singing Nickelback). According to HP,he was drunk and a little too into the song, so he started taking off his clothes. When the manager heard about this and tried to confront the situation, the singer slugged him in the face. He also beat up a few policeman before being carried away. Not worth a Bourbon Street Steak, amirite?

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“Wow, I Can Get Sexual Too”

Friday, May 11th, 2012 • Filed under Other

Guess what, all you pubescent adolescents? Contrary to what they tell you in health class, it seems as though your raging hormones are here to stay. All the way up to nursing home age, so it seems.

Now. 911 is an emergency help service, not an emergency “help” service. Just in case there was any doubt…which, apparently, there is. According to NewsOK, a man of 72 was charged of calling 911 numerous times making crude comments at the operators. Police eventually arrived at his home, and the man inquired as to whether he was being arrested or not. Like, no, it’s totally cool to have sexy-phone-time with our emergency response system. Please, tell me more.

View the original article here

Fiesta!

Thursday, March 8th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

Food has always brought families together. Or sliced them apart, in some cases. Things could get heated, maybe even boil over. Always remember to mix the two ingredients carefully.

It was a normal day as any for a Miami family consisting of a grown man, his live-in girlfriend, and his mother.  It wasn’t until they decided to have tacos for dinner that things got loco. When the son found out his mother had been using his taco sauce, his first course of action was to put her in a headlock. Brilliantly handled. After some yelling and glasses-breaking, she broke free. However, according to New Times, the girlfriend stepped into slap the mother around as well. She finally got away and walked all the way to her husband’s workplace, as her son refused to hand over the car keys. My guess is that next time she’ll stick with salsa.

View the original article here

More to Come

More to Come Soon!

Sex Crimes: Sex Offender Registration

A sex crime refers to unwanted and uninvited sexual contact; however, sex crimes encompass a wide range of criminal acts. A person can be convicted of "indecent exposure" in California, which is considered a sex crime. This can simply entail urinating in public, engaging in sexual acts in a public place, or other forms of public nudity. In no way does a woman exposing her breasts for breastfeeding entail a criminal offense.

Sex crimes include: rape, spousal rape, sexual assault, indecent exposure, internet crimes, prostitution, child molestation, sodomy, sexual battery and more. How a person is penalized will depend upon the age of the victim, their criminal record and the nature of the crime.

One of the most serious aspects of a sex crime conviction involves sex offender registration. The sex offender registry is a national registry in which the offender must register no matter where they live. Failure to update one's address or failing to notify law enforcement when you move can result in serious criminal consequences including years behind bars.

As a registered sex offender, you are required to provide your headshot, your home address and what you were convicted for. This information is made public, meaning your future employers, you landlord, your neighbors and your friends can have access to your personal information. As a registered sex offender, you could have restrictions as to where you live and how close you can come to a school or park. If nothing less, it's virtually impossible to escape the social stigma associated with being a registered sex offender and this stigma will haunt you for the rest of your life.

Yes, sex offenses are serious in nature; however, it is not uncommon for the alleged abuser to the victim of lies and deceit. This is especially common in the case of a bitter divorce or heated child custody battle. Sadly, as in most sex crime cases, there are often no witnesses to the crime in question and it comes down to whether or not the judge or jury believes your side of the story. An ultimate conviction can have serious, life-altering consequences that are extremely devastating if you have any children. Meaning, a conviction can force you to move out of your home, and it can limit your access to your own children.

If you are being accused of a sex crime, you owe it to yourself to hire legal representation. Don't assume the truth will set you free. Even children can be very convincing liars if they are out to harm you for some reason or another. It will take a skilled, meticulous and aggressive lawyer to question every aspect of the evidence and witness testimony.

The Law Office of Robert M. Helfend has been serving the residents of Los Angeles since 1984. Attorney Helfend represents clients in all types of criminal charges including: sex crimes, fraud, domestic violence, child pornography, DUI, drug crimes, fraud, grand theft, burglary, federal crimes, medical marijuana and murder. He can inform his clients about three strikes law, any possible search and seizure violations, and he can assist clients in national federal crime defense. Whether your case is large or small, he has the knowledge and experience to defend clients in both the state and federal courts. Contact a Los Angeles criminal defense lawyer from the firm by calling them at (800) 834-6434.

An Introduction To Cyber-Crime

Computer crime refers to criminal activity involving a computer. The computer may be used in the commission of a crime or it may be the target. Net-crime refers to criminal use of the Internet. Cyber-crimes are essentially a combination of these two elements and can be best defined as "Offences that are committed against individuals or groups of individuals with a criminal motive to intentionally harm the reputation of the victim or cause physical or mental harm to the victim directly or indirectly using modern telecommunication networks such as the Internet (Chat rooms, emails, notice boards and groups) and mobile phones (SMS/MMS)". [1]

In its most simple form, cyber-crime can be defined as any illegal activity that uses a computer as its primary means of function. The U.S. Department of Justice broadens this definition to include any illegal activity that uses a computer for the storage of evidence. The term 'cyber-crime' can refer to offenses including criminal activity against data, infringement of content and copyright, fraud, unauthorized access, child pornography and cyber-stalking.

The United Nations Manual on the Prevention and Control of Computer Related Crime includes fraud, forgery and unauthorized access in its definition of cyber-crime. Cyber-crime in effect covers a wide range of attacks on individuals and organisations alike. These crimes may include anything from an individual's emotional or financial state to a nation's security.

There are two main categories that define the make up of cyber-crimes. Firstly those that target computer networks or devices such as viruses, malware, or denial of service attacks. The second category relate to crimes that are facilitated by computer networks or devices like cyber-stalking, fraud, identity-theft, extortion, phishing (spam) and theft of classified information.

In order to highlight the scale of cyber-crime globally, the Norton Cyber-crime Report 2011 revealed 431 million adults in 24 countries had been victims' of cyber-crime in that year. Computer based crime is escalating at an alarming rate. In the report Norton calculated the financial cost of global cyber-crime at $388 billion. This is more than the combined international market for marijuana, heroin and cocaine, estimated at $288 billion. Assuming its current growth rate continues, cyber-crime will soon surpass the entire global drug trafficking market that is estimated to be worth $411 billion annually.

Cyber-crimes have expanded to include activities that cross international borders and can now be considered a global epidemic. The international legal system ensures cyber criminals are held accountable through the International Criminal Court. Law enforcement agencies are faced with unique challenges and the anonymity of the Internet only complicates the issues. There are problems with gathering evidence, cross-jurisdictional issues and miscommunication related to reporting.

It is widely known that victims of Internet crimes are often reluctant to report an offence to authorities. In some cases the individual or organization may not even be aware a crime has been committed. Even though facilities for reporting incidents of cyber-crime have improved in recent years many victims remain reluctant due essentially to embarrassment.

International cooperation is essential if an effective response is to be found against global cyber-crime. No nation can expect to effectively combat the issue alone. Many computer based crimes are initiated 'off-shore' and this presents enormous challenges to any nations law enforcement agencies. It is critical that agencies from around the world formulate actionable plans to detect, follow, arrest and prosecute cyber criminals.

For example, in the past two years Australia has adopted the National Criminal Intelligence Fusion Capability, a key element of the Commonwealth Organized Crime Strategic Framework (COCSF). This body brings together expertise, data and technology across a range of government and law enforcement agencies and enables international collaboration.

The problem of cyber-crime seems almost immeasurable in size. Looking at recent trends and advances in mobile technology and cloud computing we realize it is an ever-evolving and rapidly changing dynamic. There is growing evidence globally of newly formed partnerships between government and industry aimed at prevention. These partnerships create opportunities to share information and bolster law enforcement response to organized Internet-based crime.

This sharing of information creates concerns in its self. It is an extremely complex and sensitive issue. A balance must be found in efficiently maximizing distribution of information and protecting it from the organized cyber-criminal element.

Cyber-crime covers such a broad scope of criminal enterprise. The examples mentioned above are only a few of the thousands of variants of illegal activities commonly classed as cyber-crimes. Computers and the Internet have improved our lives in many ways, unfortunately criminals now make use of these technologies to the detriment of society.

[1] Halder, D., & Jaishankar, K. (2011) Cyber crime and the Victimization of Women: Laws, Rights and Regulations. Hershey PA, USA: IGI Global. ISBN: 978-1-60960-830-9

Richard Connery invites you to visit his website at http://www.richardconnery.com.
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What to Report to the Police in the Event of a Violent Crime

With the crime rate in every major city in the United States on the rise, not only do we need to be physically ready, we also need to be mentally prepared in case we come face to face with a criminal. Violent crimes such as, rape, sexual assault, aggravated assault, armed robbery, home invasion and carjacking are all on the rise, at alarming rate. Though, we all hope and pray not to be victims of any of these violent crimes, nonetheless, we need to know how to gather information about the crime and the perpetrator in case we become victims.

Naturally, most of us scream, cry or freeze in a crisis situation, but we need to be very observant in these situations. Because, being able to gather vital information about the criminal and the crime will help you and the police apprehend the perpetrator. One of the most important keys to solving a crime is being able to know what to report to the police in the event of a violent crime.

Therefore, if you are being attacked or you witness someone being attacked violently, pay close attention to the physical appearance of the attacker. One of the first things you need to determine is the race of the perpetrator. Are they white, black or Hispanic? Observe physical features like the height and built. How tall are they? Are they small, medium or large framed? Focus on their face, the shape and color of the eyes, the color of the hair, the shape of the nose and the mouth and a good estimate of the shoe size. In addition, make a mental note of their clothing, were they wearing a T-shirt, a dress shirt or hooded sweater. What kind of pants were they wearing. Are they jeans, dress pants or sweat pants? Also, make sure you can accurately describe the shoes. Were they sneakers, boots or dress shoes? And if they were wearing a hat what type is it. Is it a baseball cap, skull cap or a fedora? Now, if they fled the scene in a car, determine the make and model, the color and if possible the tag number.

In conclusion, since most of these criminals already have lengthy criminal history, it is very important to make some of these observations in the event of a violent crime. Because these observations can help you identify the perpetrator in a police mug shot file or line-up. They can also help you take criminal off the streets and put then behind bars, where they belong.

Michael Imana is a freelance writer. His articles focuses mainly on personal, home and business security issues. He has published several ebooks on self-defense and home security products. He helped started Prosafety Systems, an internet-based company that specializes in providing the very latest in personal, home and business security products. He is dedicated to helping people protect themselves, their homes and their businesses.

http://www.myprosafety.com

[http://www.myprospy.com]

Defense Against Sex Crime Allegations

Sex crimes cover a broad spectrum of sex-related offenses. In essence, they involve non-consensual sexual contact. They can include any unwanted touching of the sexual organs, molestation, sexual assault (rape) or sexual battery.

Sex crimes also include prostitution and solicitation of prostitution even if it was entirely consensual. Law enforcement agencies set up entire "stings" to catch prostitutes, pimps and Johns in the act. They also place ads on public forums such as Craigslist to track down and convict people who engage in prostitution. If you were accused of committing a sex crime, you have to act fast to protect yourself. If you are convicted you could face jail or prison sentencing, probation or parole, and steep monetary fines. What's worse, the effects that a sex crime conviction might have on your reputation, your personal relationships and your career could be devastating.

For more serious sex crimes such as sexual abuse, sexual battery and sexual assault or rape you will most likely be facing mandatory sex offender registration. This means that you would have to register as a sex offender no matter where you live. What's more, your headshot, conviction and home address would be made public information for all to see.

Escaping the stigma of a registered sex offender is fairly unrealistic. It is more likely that the offense will haunt you wherever you go. Unfortunately, many people who are accused of a sex crime are actually innocent. The challenging part is proving that your description of the events or lack of events is honest and true as opposed to the accusations coming from the alleged victim. Being innocent isn't always enough when the accuser delivers a convincing theatrical display to the prosecution and the judge.

It is not uncommon for pubescent teens or young girls and boys to falsely accuse their parent of sexual abuse or molestation. Unfortunately, minors can make false accusations in order to please the other parent or out of pure anger or contempt for their parents. Although sexual offenses against a minor are extremely serious, whether they are founded on fact or not, law enforcement must take the necessary precautions and investigate any allegations. However, this can put the wrongfully accused in a very uncomfortable situation in the meantime, and law enforcement might not be so quick to offer you sympathy during such investigations.

Another common scenario where false allegations are made involves bitter divorces or child custody battles. Sometimes an angry or vindictive mother will falsely accuse her husband of child molestation or rape in order to gain custody of the couple's children during a volatile divorce.

Since there are many situations in which no witnesses are around at the time of the allegation, it is essential that you retain an experienced criminal defense attorney if you have been convicted of a sex crime. Being convicted could destroy your reputation, and it might turn a lot of people against you. Sex crime allegations are also extremely embarrassing because they attack your very core. If you have been accused of a sex crime, a criminal defense attorney can handle your case in a discreet and private manner. When your reputation and freedom are on the line, you can't afford to hire a weak defense attorney who might make costly mistakes on your case. Please take a moment to contact a criminal defense attorney to discuss your case. You deserve to have a professional on your side during this difficult time.

The Colorado Springs legal team at the Law Office of Michael Moran is prepared to fight on your behalf. Their firm has extensive experience in handling a variety of criminal charges including: sex crimes, drug crimes, traffic offenses, probation violations and more. They understand how good people can make mistakes or make an error in judgment, while other times innocent people are wrongfully accused. Either way, they are not here to judge you regardless of your charges. Attorneys at the firm will offer sound advice that can give you a clear idea of what to expect in the legal system, along with the best ways to prepare your defense. They will tailor a unique strategy to suit your needs so you have the best chances of fighting the charges against you. You are urged to contact a Colorado Springs criminal defense attorney at (877) 500-7309 for a free consultation.

Defense for Internet Crimes Against Children

There are harsh penalties for internet crimes against children. Any crime involving a minor will be more harshly punished than the same crime committed against an adult. Because these crimes are treated so severely, most people hire representation to defend them against these charges. It is statistically proven that a defense attorney can increase the chances of a lesser sentence. This can reduce the jail time and fines associated with these crimes against children.

Most charges associated with crimes against children are sexual. Child pornography or the soliciting of sex are the most common reasons for these accusations. A defense attorney will most likely conduct an investigation into the circumstances of the arrest and the evidence of the crime. Since these crimes occur over the internet, there can be hard evidence proving guilt. On the flip side, a computer may not contain any information at all and the evidence may all be given by word of mouth. If there are holes in testimony or a lack of solid evidence, charges may be overturned. Other tactics a defense lawyer may use to defend a person include:

Unlawful arrest - Officers of the law are responsible for following correct procedure during an arrest. If they do not, the accused individual may have his or her case thrown out.
Mental illness - Many people commit crimes due to a mental health condition that they cannot control.
First charge - Those who have a clean record may be able to use this information to secure a lesser charge.
Innocence - In many cases, individuals are wrongly accused, and an experienced attorney can show this.

To learn more about internet crime defense, visit the website of the San Jose criminal attorneys at the Jensen Law Office today.

James Witherspoon

Self Defense and Community Crime Rates

We are all aware that the United States has a serious crime problem. Most think the way to deal with unbridled crime is to allow the police to deal with this epidemic. Non violent persons had no problem carrying some kind of non lethal self defense products. Others believe that ownership of firearms by law abiding citizens will reduce the violent crime rate. Of course arming citizens does not sit well with Law Enforcement Agencies..They are concerned that this would only aggravate an already bad situation. Just imagine what would happen if two strangers got involved in a physical confrontation and they both were carrying a handgun. We can only imagine that it could easily escalate into a gun fight.

A friend of mine who carries not lethal self defense weapons and lives in a large city with a high crime rate stated. "Every time I leave my apartment, I fear for my life". You may not feel that helpless, but I am sure that the realization that you could become a victim has crossed your mind. My mother frequently commented when she was much younger when there was a murder anywhere in the city the community was shocked and appalled. Murders only occurred on a very small scale, and murderers were viewed as monsters. Today we are so used to hearing of homicides and other violent crimes we have become desensitized. In some major cities murders exceed three hundred a year.

I grew up in Baltimore City, and I was exposed to crime and violence at a very young age. I thought all cities had the same crime problems until I did a stint in the army. Traveling around the country while in the military, I discovered peaceful crime free communities where people actually spoke to you when they walked by. In Baltimore City if a stranger acknowledges you, they usually want something. Self defense and crime were my last concern. After military service, I spent eleven years on the Baltimore City Police Department. I saw more carnage and death as a police officer than I experienced in a year of combat. I finally left the police Department and now live in small town around 60 miles from the city.

I finally moved away from an environment of noise, trash in the streets and in some area rats as big as cats. I live in a quiet clean and friendly community. Although the crime rate is nowhere near the scale of Baltimore City, recently a number of brutal rapes and murders have occurred. I notice especially at night people seem apprehensive and very cautious. Rarely do you see women walking alone or approaching strangers making casual conversations. Several of my friends have obtained weapons for their self defense. There is a lesson for all honest, hard working, law abiding citizens out there. You may have always lived in a low crime rate area, or you may have recently moved to one. Crime is everywhere and self defense should always be your concern.

Jerome Wilkins is a former decorated Baltimore City Police Officer. He is presently a Security Consultant and owner of DefendMax LLC. Visit his self defense web site at and receive a 10% discount on your 1st order by using code fv100 at checkout. You may want to examine some of our best selling stun guns.

Drug Crimes: An Overview

If you or a loved one have been accused of any type of drug crime, it is imperative that you contact a criminal defense attorney for legal aid as soon as possible As drug crimes are on the rise throughout the country, local and state authorities as well as government agencies like the Drug Enforcement Administration are stepping up their fight against this offense. However, in their eagerness to stop this crime, it is not uncommon for people to be falsely accused, falsely convicted, and falsely imprisoned. If this is your case, you need information concerning your situation so that you can make the best decision for you.

Drug possession is the most common drug crime and is exactly what it sounds like: being found to have an illegal substance in your possession. This violates both state and federal laws and can be punished as an infraction (as in marijuana possession in California), a misdemeanor, or a felony (if the amount found was over a certain weight). Drug possession laws also cover the possession of drug paraphernalia. If syringes, pipes, needles, or any piece of equipment used to sell drugs is found, the individual could be prosecuted. Some states have made it legal to use marijuana for medicinal purposes, but confusion can occur as it still violates federal law.

Drug manufacturing and cultivation is a more serious offense and it includes growing or producing an illicit drug. For example, it is not uncommon for regular people to grow the plant cannabis in their homes. With easy access to the growing equipment and the information necessary to grow marijuana, it has been gaining in popularity over the past years throughout the country. Other drugs such as LSD and ecstasy are not so easy to manufacture. These are not grown, but created in a lab through the use of chemicals.

The sale, transportation, importation, and exportation of controlled substances are all part of drug trafficking. According to the Drug Enforcement Administration, the federal trafficking penalties will differ depending on the type of drug and the amount that was being transported. Penalties could range from heavy penalties to decades in state prison. If you have been accused of any of these drug crimes, it is imperative that you speak with a drug crime defense attorney as soon as possible. You should do everything possible to retain your freedom and stay out of jail.

Greco & Associates is a criminal defense law firm serving clients in Fort Bend, TX and the surrounding areas. They have years of experience in standing up for those who have been accused of drug possession, drug manufacturing, drug trafficking, and many other drug crimes. They understand that not everyone who has been accused of a crime is guilty and so will work tirelessly to get your charges reduced or dropped. By speaking to a Fort Bend drug crime lawyer from their team, you will get the advantage of gaining insight from a former chief prosecutor. To learn more or talk to one of their lawyers, contact a Fort Bend drug attorney from the team today!