David Tuason: America's Most Wanted Pen PalLet's face it. Nobody writes letters any more. And that's just sad. We'd like to bring letter-writing back, so we present our DOTW this week in epistolary fashion:
Dear David,You like writing letters? Us, too! Let's be friends.
pen pals 4eva,
DISGRASIAN
Dear David,You also hate Clarence Thomas and Derek Jeter?! So do we!!! Clarence Thomas, because of Anita Hill and his wack-ass politics. Derek Jeter, cuz he's a Yankee. We have so much in common!
your partners in haterasian,
DISGRASIAN
Dear David,You held a grudge for 20 years? Dayum, man. That's more hardcore than Jen's dad, who will disown you if you have, like, bad taste in movies. We're not sayin' that that's healthy or anything. But it is pretty darn Asian.
good luck with that,
DISGRASIAN
Dear David,Hold up. You hate black people? And you wrote over 200 hate letters and emails to black men because a black guy "stole" your girlfriend 20 years ago? Duuude. You got problems. We are sooo not down with you. Neither is the U.S. justice system, which just sentenced you to three years in the clink.
enjoy prison,
DISGRASIAN
P.S. Forget about us writing to you in prison or, like, ever again. Because, like Jen's dad, we hold a pretty mean grudge ourselves. And once, as Heidi Klum would say, you're out, your ass is out, naw mean?
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