The Toast of the Town

How mad have you gotten at your neighbor? Angry enough to lose your breakfast over it? And I’m not talking about the gross reverse digestion way, but actually get rid of your perfectly good breakfast. This guy knows what I’m talking about.

A South Carolina man was caught rubbing buttered toast all over his neighbor’s SUV window. Seems like a foolproof plan, how did he get caught? According to MSN, He just dropped the toast a few feet away from the car and made his departure, causing a nearby woman to notice and call the police. The police charged the now hungry man with “malicious damage to property” and estimated the cost of damage to be about $1. Time for a low-carb diet maybe?

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Not So Chill

What’s the hottest you’ve ever been? Temperature-wise of course, because if it was in physical terms, we all know we were the hottest at our 5th grade, bowl-cut, chubs stage. But really, to what extent would you go to cool off?

Hopefully not so far you’d get arrested, but this is exactly what a group of four young men in Germany did. On a hot day, they decided to make their own pool in a car. In a BMW no less. According to HP, a policeman noticed a very strange convertible driving down the road. Upon closer viewing, it appeared that the bathing-suit clad men were splashing around in the water-filled car, clearly intoxicated. Though there was no law against driving around with a pool in someone’s car, they were probably charged for driving without a permit. Talk about hot water.

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Let’s Get The Bleep Outta Here

Sometimes people don’t want their babies. Throughout history, these people have found convenient ways to get rid of them.  In the middle ages, a popular solution was to leave a swaddled infant on the doorstep of a misfortunate new parent. Worse for the child, another option was an orphanage. In later times, parents could even put their kid in the circus for life. The last one, I’m actually jealous of.

It might not have been this Florida woman’s goal to give away her child, but that’s sure what it looked like. She had gone shopping at Dillard’s, and tried to shoplift $260 worth of clothing using her baby stroller. When a police officer followed her out to her car, she flipped out and eventually threw her baby in its little carseat at him. According to HP, the baby was not injured. The shoplifter received three charges, including “resisting a police officer without violence”. Um. What would be violent, throwing her entire family?

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Meat A Loser

What do you guys think about sausage? I suppose it’s better than a hot dog, which in turn is better than bologna (which is basically giant hot dog slices?). And no matter what, it has to be better than Lunchables *shudder*.

No matter your opinion, sausage was a huge disappointment for this Phoenix man. He attempted to rob two large businesses, first an Ace Hardware and then a Safeway. He put his hand under his shirt to look like a gun, but the cashier was not fooled and calmly said “no” to his request for money. Equally unsuccessful was his attempt to rob a Safeway, which resulted in him being escorted out of the building. According to Phoenix New Times, he waited a few minutes before returning into the store to snag a small breakfast sausage and was therefore charged with shoplifting. I guess all that failing worked up an appetite.

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Demon Hunting 101

We’ve all seen those movies about crazy people who believe demons live in their house, right? Terrifying stuff, but the demons are probably more scared of you than you are of them. Just…grab a big shoe. And kill all the flies so they have nothing to eat. Oh. Maybe I’m thinking of something else, something scarier.

One guy in Arizona was so freaked out he almost burnt down the house. With his roommates still home, he started a fire in his bedroom closet where he believed they were hiding. He used paint thinner, and is reported to have been reciting Bible verses. According to AZ Central, he said he had planned to tell the police but forgot, and he was admitted to the hospital with burns on his feet. The important thing is, the house is now 100% demon free.

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