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Monday, July 9, 2012

That’s Nacho Car

Mexican food is just delicious. I mean, there’s nothing like a balanced diet of chips, salsa, and whatever food item you can’t finish because you ate too much of the first two. But what if this particular ethnic cuisine started showing up in unexpected places?

Well, then you might be living in Seattle. A crook by the name of the Tortilla Car Vandal does…well, exactly what his name implies. He shattered the window of a Jeep, but didn’t actually steal anything. Instead, he left a pile of tortillas scattered across the car’s floor, as it says on HP. If he continues, they might even make him the main character a children’s picture book.


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Sunday, July 8, 2012

Stupid Criminals: Man Arrested For Impromptu Demolition Derby

By JJ Duncan on Maybe he thought they were all out to get him. Maybe he just had a bad day.

Whatever the reason, Fort Worth man Michael John Holden decided it was time to play demolition derby with his white Toyota Tundra pickup truck and no one else was privy to the information.

Late evening Wednesday, Holden allegedly began ramming his pickup straight into a number of cars in a parking lot. Then he drove to another parking lot and did it again.

Instead of fleeing the scene, Holden sauntered into a nearby bar, the Star Light Sports Lounge, where police soon nabbed the allegedly intoxicated Holden. He'd been followed by a witness who told police right where he could be found.

Witnesses do tend to notice when you go on a rampage and smash up 17 vehicles at an estimated cost of $75,000.

(More from DallasNews.com) Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

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Saturday, July 7, 2012

Stupid Criminals: Kill the Lawnmower! KILL IT! KILL IT!

By JJ Duncan on Consider the plight of Keith Walendowski.

Just like anyone would, when his lawnmower began to act up he assumed the time had come. Call it the Apocalypse. Call it the Rise of the Machines. Call it running out of gas. Whatever it was, Keith was ready for it.

He pulled out his illegally-short-barrelled shotgun and blew that motherfucker to Kingdom Come.

"I can do that, it's my lawn mower and my yard so I can shoot it if I want."

Unfortunately for him, the cops didn't agree. (More at CJOnline.com )

Thanks for the mugshot Keith! *muah*

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Friday, July 6, 2012

Sorry, We Only Carry S and XS

Sunday, June 17th, 2012 • Filed under Other

I believe I speak for all straight females when I say the scariest thing about Halloween is probably the lack of fabric worn on this day every year. “A bikini and mouse ears? You’re a mouse. A bikini and glasses? Soooo nerdy. A bikini and fangs? You’re Edward Cullen!”

A prison in Washington recently became the central spot for this kind of sartorial shenanigans. Apparently, somebody was troubled that the inmates were sitting around with nothing to do. To solve this “problem”, the prisoners were entrusted with the task of sewing uniforms for the guards. Now, how could that possibly go wrong? According to Seattle Weekly, officials started receiving complaints about the outfits being too tight in places and too loose in others, as well as zippers and buttons breaking off. The makeshift sexiness was to excite the lonely criminals, we presume. Next time, hire a jail full of tailors.


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Kid arrested for delivering pot-filled cookies totally innocent

By JJ Duncan on Christian Phillips was totally telling the truth when he said he was innocent of delivering pot-filled cookies to police officers.

Tests revealed the truth. Score one for the kid!

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Here's my original post (for which I'm now eating crow). I get it. You're young, you're out to have a good time, and hey, what's the harm in a little prank?Well, maybe if you're going to deliver pot-filled cookies in little baskets to police officers, do it BEFORE you turn 18!Christian Phillips is our latest stupid criminal. Under the guise of Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD), he dropped off the weed-stuffed goodies at not one, but two different cop stations. Reports are it wasn't subtle either.“It reeked of it,” said Lt. Thomas Cain, a Blue Mound police spokesman. “It wasn’t hard to tell. Anyone that’s been around marijuana before would have known.”(Pictured above: Christian Phillips)
Here's the full story at dallasnews.com

See more stupid criminals.

Check out some videos on stupid criminals

Robbing a surveillance Store
Man shoots self in junk
Can't open the door
Can't catch 'em all
Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

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Thursday, July 5, 2012

YOLO Doesn’t Apply To Gaming

Sunday, June 17th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

Ready for another battle in the endless war of girlfriend vs. video games? Come on, guys, I know we’re not talking dragons or machine gun spaceships…but we are part of real life. Maybe you should check that place out.

An Oklahoma man living with his girlfriend and her kids found himself in a tight situation. He had planned for a night of quality time with his Xbox, but this was sabotaged when the children wanted to watch their shows on their single TV. His girlfriend took her kids’ side, and as a result was grabbed by the neck and thrown onto a couch (X, up, down, triangle). According to City Pages, she called the police, but the guy insisted that he “loves his girlfriend”. Probably to gain health points.


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Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Cop Fired For Extorting Coffee from Starbucks

By JJ Duncan on He hasn't been charged, but he failed a polygraph, was fired and extortion is criminal and YES it is stupid to say the following to a Starbucks clerk:

"If something happens, either we can respond really fast or we could respond really slow. I've been coming here for years and I've been getting whatever I want. I'm the difference between you getting a two minute response time, if you needed a little help, or a fifteen minute response time."

Those are the alleged words of Lt. Major Garvin, of Daytona Fla. The rogue officer reportedly hit up the coffee shop up to six times a day for his complimentary java fix.

(Read the full story here. )

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Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

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