Cops: Drunk Guy Crashed Truck, Swiped Forklift

(Newser) – Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug, and sometimes you're the dude with a really good buzz driving a pilfered forklift three miles to fetch the truck you crashed and managed to leave dangling on a giant pipe in Alaska. Police in Fairbanks say the latter is the tale of woe that was the Monday morning of 21-year-old Aleksander Glushko, reports the Fairbanks Daily News-Miner.

Cops say Glushko crashed the truck just before 6am, walked to the nearby George Horner Ice Park, appropriated aforementioned forklift, and drove back past the crash scene. Awaiting him when he swung back around were officers of the law; a breath test allegedly clocked in at 0.230—roughly three times the legal limit. Glushko is charged with felony DUI and vehicle theft; a DUI conviction would give him a hat trick.

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Guy Makes Poor Choice in Liking a Facebook Post

(Newser) – Pro tip for (alleged) criminals: If you see your photograph featured as a "most wanted" suspect on your local Crime Stoppers' Facebook page, maybe don't "like" the post. Alas, Montana 23-year-old Levi Charles Reardon did not heed that advice, and now an arrest that might otherwise have gone unnoticed is getting coverage in places like, oh, France. The Great Falls Tribune reports Reardon was arrested last Friday, and while it doesn't appear that the like is what did him in, it is what's getting plenty of attention.

The Cascade County Crime Stoppers posted the photo last month and has since posted a few updates, including a screenshot of Reardon's like. "Haha his buddy commented and tagged him in the first place! whatta nice friend! LOL," observed one commenter. (Said friend's reply: "If I see someone I know making poor life choices gotta make sure it's known plus half the time people don't even know they have warrants or are wanted.") "To our current knowledge, Mr. Reardon's arrest was a result of an anonymous tip," Crime Stoppers commented in a follow-up post. Reardon is suspected of stealing a wallet and personal checks, then making four of the checks out to himself and cashing them.

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Cops: Teens Mistook Man's Ashes for Cocaine

(Newser) – Three teens in St. Peters, Missouri, are accused of breaking into a home and stealing everything from cash to jewelry. One reason this police item is making headlines, however, is because police say the trio also stole what they thought was a box of cocaine, reports the Smoking Gun. Except, no, it was the ashes of the occupant's father. One of the kids allegedly tasted the remains in the getaway car, realized it wasn't cocaine, and tossed the box of ashes out the window. One other reason the story is making headlines: The ashes apparently belonged to the kid's grandfather.

Victim Debora Matthews tells KMOV that two of the three suspects are minors, and those two are her dad's grandsons. "They did that to their grandfather," she says. "They didn’t even realize it was their grandfather’s ashes." All three face multiple felonies, though the minors will go through juvenile court. “I just couldn’t believe that they would take the ashes,” says Matthews. "But you know, they were kids and I guess just stupid."

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Cops: Criminal Mastermind's Disguise 'Ineffective'

(Newser) – Pro tip: When the law is after you and you'd like to alter your appearance so as to avoid speaking with the aforementioned law, maybe try a fat suit or dyeing your hair. Probably what you don't want to do is spraypaint your face black, which is what police in Madera, Calif., say Jose Espinoza tried and which they term, via a wry Facebook post, "an effort to camouflage himself. The camouflage was ineffective." Police say that Espinoza was busted with a stolen car Saturday night; per KTLA, the 23-year-old fled the scene, only to return to his house sporting his less-than-clever disguise. Police were unfooled. Charges were filed. And bail was set at $35,000. In evidence: one spray paint can, a police rep tells ABC.

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Dude Desperate to Make Court Swiped Pal's Car: Cops

(Newser) – A New Jersey man has been accused of stealing a friend's car to avoid missing a court hearing on drug charges. Twenty-one-year-old Jorge Ramirez-Sierra of Riverdale has been charged with unlawful taking of a means of conveyance and driving while suspended, among other counts. Police tell NJ.com the new charges came after a man reported his car missing Friday morning. Police say the man told officers Ramirez-Sierra had "stated multiple times the evening before that he did not know how he was going to get" to court. The next morning, the car had magically disappeared.

While officers were talking with the owner, Ramirez-Sierra called to say he was returning with the vehicle. He was taken into custody after arriving. Per police, Ramirez-Sierra had on his person: a hypodermic needlea crack pipeempty wax bags and other drug paraphernaliaan open airplane bottle of Fireball whiskeyRamirez-Sierra has two days to figure out his next ride to court.

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Man Hiding From Cops Foiled by Own Snapchat Post

(Newser) – Someday, maybe, there will be a story about a fugitive taunting the police via social media that ends differently, but until then ... meet Christopher Wallace. As police were searching for him inside his home in Fairfield, Maine, the 24-year-old burglary suspect posted a message to Snapchat boasting that he was hiding inside a cabinet, reports centralmaine.com. The message disappeared quickly, as Snapchat messages do, but somebody called the cops to let them know what it said.

“A search of the kitchen cabinets turned up some food, some pots and pans, and also a pair of feet,” recounts a gleeful Facebook post from the Somerset County Sheriff's Office. “The pair of feet just so happened to be attached to a person, and that person was Christopher Wallace. He was removed from the cabinet and placed under arrest.” And how did police know to search the home in the first place? An earlier Snapchat post by Wallace, of course.

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Cops Laugh About Stoner's To-Do List on Twitter

(Newser) – Police officers are people, too. And like us, they share their hilarious finds on Twitter. Take this example: Police in Murdoch, Western Australia, were executing a search warrant on a house in Perth, relating to a burglary investigation, when they uncovered a rather amusing to-do list, News.com.au reports. It described an individual's busy Saturday laid out with helpful reminders like "go to bus stop" and "go get lunch (chips and gravy)," per Mashable. The last two entries on the 10-item list, adding fuel to the idea that marijuana causes memory problems, were "go home and get a stick" and then "chop up and get stoned"—because, you know, sometimes you forget.

Police tweeted a photo of the list, with the caption, "Are ur Saturdays hectic like this!!!" They followed that up with, "Yes, the to do list was authentic, I don't think any of us here could make it up if we tried! #nosenseofhumour." The witty replies flooded in. "At least he had realistic personal goals which he probably achieved," one user quipped. But not all social media users were as amused. "No wonder our homes keep getting broken into. The Murdoch police are too busy embarrassing drug addicts on social media. Grow up," another added, per News.com.au. (The list-writer joins a long tradition of misguided potheads.)

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Guy Busted With Container Labeled 'Not Weed'

(Newser) – He put his weed in there: The crack law enforcement in Lincoln, Neb., were apparently unfooled by a 21-year-old man's sour cream container labeled "Not Weed." As the Lincoln Journal-Star reports, the unnamed man was pulled over about 9pm on Saturday on suspicion of drunken driving. During a subsequent search of the man's vehicle, cops found the 16-ounce container under the driver's seat with—despite its seemingly crystal clear label—about 11 grams of weed inside. The man is charged with "not" driving under the influence of alcohol and "not" possessing less than an ounce of weed. Three apparently stone-cold sober passengers were actually not charged.

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Things You Don't Instagram: Your Bank Robbery

(Newser) – "I decided to go to the bank. She gave me money, and I left," Dominyk Antonio Alfonseca tells WAVY from his perch in jail. “I videotaped it. If it was a robbery, I don’t think I would videotape it, post the picture of the letter and do that all to come to jail.” Where police in Virginia Beach and Alfonseca agree: The 23-year-old walked into a bank Monday afternoon and handed the teller a note that read, "I need 150,000 Bonds Right NOW!! Please Police take 3 to 4 minites to get here, I would appriceate if you Ring the alarm a minute after I am gone... Make sure the money doesn't BLOW UP ON MY WAY OUT,-)" He then walked out $150,000 richer. Alfonseca next helpfully posted two videos of the exchange to Instagram, as well as a photo of his note.

Where police and Alfonseca diverge in their characterization of events: Alfonseca tells the Virginian-Pilot that he made a simple request and was "basically asking permission for money"; "She could have said no, and I could have left," he tells WTVR, which notes that the ever-so-chatty Alfonseca "wanted to give shout-outs to Michelle Obama, Justin Bieber, and Lady Gaga." And while he did, in fact, say "please" and use a little winky emoticon, police who arrested him 22 minutes later seem to think a crime was involved and charged him with robbery. It's not the first time Alfonseca has contemplated the not-terribly-fine line between theft and non-theft: In another post he muses, "Should I Pay For My Items in Cash Routine Or Should I Just Take What Ever I Want?" (Want more criminal masterminds? Go here.)

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Guy Robbed Woman, Then Friended Her: Cops

(Newser) – Ah, Facebook, that repository for high school friends, college friends, friends of friends, people you wish you'd never met ... and the dude who robbed you the other day? Police in Washington state say that a woman was sitting at a ferry terminal with headphones on when a guy knocked her on the head from behind, grabbed her iPod and purse, and took off. Police say the woman didn't recognize the man, but the AP reports that she saw a triangle tattoo on his neck. Lo and behold, the next day she received a friend request from—you guessed it—a guy with a triangle neck tattoo. Twenty-eight-year-old Riley Allen Mullins, who police traced to the Facebook account and tattoo in question, has been charged with second-degree robbery.

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Bread Truck Thief Showers NYC With Bread

(Newser) – Maybe he was shooting to be the Robin Hood of carbohydrates? Police in New York City have charged 29-year-old David Bastar with criminal possession of stolen goods and driving without a license, reports the Journal News, and this is how they say it went down: A driver for Grimaldi's Home of Bread was making a delivery to a pizzeria when Bastar, who does not have a license or apparently like to wear clothes other than his skivvies, hopped into the still-running truck. Then the would-be Good Samaritan kept right on making deliveries, only since he didn't know the route, "He was delivering bread at random places," says bakery owner Joe Grimaldi. "It was very bizarre. They were finding bread in front of their doors."

But wait, it gets a little weirder: After Bastar apparently delivered the entire $8,000 worth of bread, he spotted a shiny Cadillac Escalade limo, which cops say he proceeded to tailgate—at times by a matter of inches, says the Escalade's driver, adding, "I was getting a little scared because I thought if I stopped he was going to hit me." He eventually called cops, who pulled the bread truck over and escorted Bastar, who was wearing only his briefs, to a hospital for a mental health evaluation. (It hasn't been a kind news cycle for Cadillac Escalades.)

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Woman Leads Cops on 100mph Chase —to Preferred Jail

(Newser) – So maybe you've been drinking and maybe you're speeding a little, but what to do when a cop tries to pull you over—presenting you with the very real prospect of doing a little time in a less-than-desirable county jail? Step on the gas, and lead police on a merry little car chase to the county that houses your preferred incarceration facility. That is the alleged tale of 34-year-old Oklahoman and prison connoisseur Luz Avilla, who police say was 5mph to 10mph over the limit when an officer in Grady County tried to pull her over.

Says a police spokesperson, "Instead of pulling over, the driver accelerated to speeds approximately 90 to 100 miles per hour." Apparently, Grady County jail is the worst. "She wanted to go to jail in Caddo County was her explanation as to why she did not pull over," the spokesperson says. Avilla also apparently did not want to get out of her vehicle, reports News9 via Gawker, and it took an officer with a drawn gun and a bunch of backup to persuade her. For posterity, the entire incident was recorded on the cop's dash cam. Avilla is facing a raft of charges including DUI and eluding police.

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Would-Be Carjackers Should Have Learned to Drive Stick

(Newser) – Kids these days can't even jack an old lady's car correctly: KIRO brings us the tale of three teenage would-be carjackers in Seattle who were thwarted by a lowly manual transmission. Nancy Fredrickson, 70, was getting something out of the trunk of her Kia Saturday when three kids waved a gun in her face, demanded her keys, and hopped in the car. But their getaway turned less than glorious when none of them could drive the stick shift—causing no small amount of glee for Fredrickson and her neighbors.

"I got a five speed in there," she laughs. "They couldn't figure out how to get it going!" The teens fled, albeit on foot; cops have pulled DNA evidence from the car and are looking for them. And while Fredrickson admits the incident was scary at the time, now she says, "It was quite an interesting day. Let’s put it that way."

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Cops: Burglar Logs In to Facebook Mid-Burglary

(Newser) – It's generally not OK to log into Facebook during work. It's definitely not OK if you work as a burglar, and you're a little absent-minded about logging out. Police say Nicholas Wig, 26, broke into a home near Minneapolis and stole money, credit cards, and other valuables, reports ABC News. When homeowner James Wood surveyed the damage later that night, he noticed that his burglar had left behind some wet jeans and shoes (it was raining) and that his computer had been used. It was still displaying the Facebook profile of a "Nick Dub."

Wood says he posted something to the page about its user being a thief and left his phone number. To his surprise, he got a text, reports CBS Minnesota. “I replied, 'You left a few things at my house last night, how can I get them back to you?" They arranged an exchange, and Wood called police as soon as he saw Wig, whose photo he recognized from Facebook, on his street. Cops charged him with second-degree burglary. “I’ve never seen this before,” says a Dakota County attorney. "Might even make the late-night television shows in terms of not being too bright.”

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Woman Tries to Kill Spider, Ends Up With Arson Charge

(Newser) – Listen up, arachnophobes: You do not fight spiders with fire. Or so goes the cautionary tale of 34-year-old Kansas woman Ginny Griffith, who has been charged with aggravated arson after she apparently tried to kill a spider—by using a cigarette lighter to set fire to some towels, reports the Hutchinson News. The fire department responded to the small fire at her duplex early Friday, and put it out within minutes. No one was injured and the building suffered only light smoke damage, notes the Hays Post, but officials were apparently unamused. Griffith was taken into custody and was being held in lieu of $7,500 bond.

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NYPD Chopper Nearly Downed —by 2 Guys With Drones

(Newser) – An NYPD helicopter nearly collided with two drones over the George Washington Bridge yesterday, resulting in a matching pair of felony reckless-endangerment charges for two men. The chopper pilots said in a police report that they were patrolling just after midnight when they "observed flying object[s] at 2,000 feet in vicinity of the bridge," reports the New York Post. After swerving to avoid a collision, the pilots trailed the drones north and alerted NYPD officers, who found Remy Castro, 23, and Wilkins Mendoza, 34, near Fort Tyrone Park.

Castro and Mendoza, who paid between $500 and $700 each for their drones, dismissed the seriousness of their offense. "It's just a toy," Castro said in Manhattan Criminal Court yesterday afternoon. "The copter came to us." Mendoza, meanwhile, called the incident "crazy," and the men’s lawyer said that their drones can’t even go above 300 feet, adding, "They did nothing more than fly a kite." But a friend of the pair says they've bragged about flying at least at 5,000 feet and have been posting Instagram photos of their nightly flights.

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Phone Thieves Send Selfie, Get Busted

(Newser) – A pair of thieves managed to steal a teen's phone during a party—and they promptly incriminated themselves by sending a selfie to the kid's friends. One of the thieves has now turned himself in, and he's been charged with petit larceny, police say. Khayyam Alexander, 16, and his partner in crime took 14-year-old James Pugliatti's phone during a party for under-18s in New York, officials say, per the New York Daily News.

On the subway afterward, the thieves took a picture of themselves, the New York Post reports. They cleverly sent it to all Pugliatti's friends via the photo-messaging app Snapchat, the Post notes. One friend got a screenshot and forwarded it to Pugliatti's mom. Annette Pugliatti also reportedly received a vulgar message from the thieves: "Mom I'm so horny." She relayed the information to police. James Pugliatti's view of the thieves: "They're pretty stupid."

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Cops: Cuffed Woman Steals Her Pot Back, Eats It, Forgets Crumbs

(Newser) – Tavish Smith was having quite the night by the time she landed in the back of the cop car: Florida police say she was driving her truck the wrong way down a highway, crashed it, continued on, then crashed again—all while allegedly more than a little tipsy. But as Gawker notes, what happened next was truly inspired: Sitting in the back of the car, Smith slipped out of her handcuffs, and swiped a sandwich bag full of pot that police had confiscated from her vehicle. She then proceeds to eat its contents, thus destroying the evidence, right?

She forgot about the backseat camera filming her little snack, and something even more basic: Wiping her mouth. Cops finally noticed the missing weed when they saw "pot on her hands and face" and "crumbs everywhere," reports WPLG. Unfortunately for Tavish, the charge of destroying evidence means that she's now facing a felony. Turns out, she also works for a Brevard County judge; she's currently been suspended from those duties.

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Cops: Laptop Thief Busted After Customer Service Call

(Newser) – Calling customer service for help with your laptop is generally a fine idea, but maybe not if you stole the thing in a home burglary. Police in New Hampshire say they made an arrest on Monday and recovered a computer stolen in February 2013 thanks to that very scenario, reports WMUR. The break came when Apple emailed the original owner and thanked him for calling customer service. Except he hadn't.

Someone else had done so, using the long-gone laptop's serial number as a reference. "It then took us a while to track down the individual who made the phone call, but we were able to put that together and ultimately come up with enough evidence to charge him with the original burglary and recover the computer," says a detective. It might be "the only example of when a broken computer is a good thing," observes the Consumerist.

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Cops: Man Freed After 15 Years Robs Same Store

(Newser) – Christopher Miller robbed the Stride Rite shoe store in Toms River, NJ, in 1999, got caught, and served 15 years in state prison. Police say he became a free man on Friday and celebrated by catching a bus to Toms River and, yes, robbing the same Stride Rite shoe store, reports the Star-Ledger. Though he had 15 years to stew over what went wrong the first time, authorities say this robbery didn't go so well, either. Two employees were so slow in handing over cash that the "agitated" robber grabbed the register drawer himself and fled on foot, reports the Ocean County Signal. (The employees refused to hand over their keys, scotching any hopes for a getaway vehicle.)

They called the cops—the apparent plan was to tie them up in a storage room, as happened in the 1999 robbery, but the employees refused to go—and within minutes, a police K-9 unit tracked down Williams and recovered the stolen $389, reports the Daily Record. Miller is charged with robbery and is being held on $100,000 bond. The 40-year-old is from Tulsa, Okla., and police aren't sure what his connection is to Toms River, besides maybe nostalgia.

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