For $10k and Sex, Would You Let This Woman Out of a DUI?

By JJ Duncan on If you're a Wisconsin Dells police officer, the answer is a resounding NO.

When police placed Elizabeth Ann Kommes, 30, of Iron Mountain, Mich. under arrest for Driving Under the Influence, she pulled out all the stops. Explaining that the arrest would send her back to prison for parole violation, Kommes proceeded to offer sexual favors and $10,000 to her arresting officers if they would let her go.

Kudos to the Wisconsin police for keepin' it real and resisting temptation.

My favorite part of all this is Kommes mug shot. Don't she look feisty? meee-YOW!

(Article at the Portage Daily Register )

More Stupid Criminals Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

View the original article here

I Swear I Answered B!

Sunday, June 24th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

What do you do in your spare time? If that list includes taking ridiculous personality quizzes online or in magazines, we need to talk. It’s fine if you’d like to know if you’re a good kisser, or what purse correctly matches your personal style. But once you start profiling what kind of kitchen utensil you are and which animal your sexuality resembles…it’s time to take up an instrument.

Hopefully, though, you don’t take these things to heart like this couple in Phoenix. After a long night of drinking and alleged fighting, the young woman called 911 and said her husband was choking her. Further investigation revealed that, at some point, he had thrown a bunch of kitchen knives to the floor and foolishly requested that his wife stab him. According to New Times, she ended up only cutting his back a bit. Why? Fighting over a quiz in Cosmopolitan magazine. Good, at least we know they weren’t over reacting.

View the original article here

But It’s Green Too!

Tuesday, May 29th, 2012 • Filed under Counterfeit, Drugs

Money isn’t everything, right? That’s what rich people say. Or people who write for Disney Channel, who are paid in packs of gum. Or people who consider themselves modern age philosophers but are really just quoting things off some internet database.

Sometimes…other things…can be substituted for money. Not legally, of course. After finishing a $10 meal at Denny’s (a crime in itself), a man he realized he was $9 short of the bill. Not a problem, though, because he remembered his emergency bag of marijuana. Shockingly, the cashier wouldn’t accept this as payment. He then proceeded to hawk his wares to everyone else on their 2 am Denny’s run, according to Digital Journal.

View the original article here

Stupid Criminal Gets Owned By Ninja Sword

By JJ Duncan on I was just saying the other day how I wish more crime stories involved swords.

What strange attraction do swords hold for perpetually adolescent males? Whatever it is, if you have a friend who buys swords, he probably gets made fun of a LOT (and deservedly so). But from Florida today we have the story of one man whose nerdy little thing for swords will never be mocked again.

Names have yet to be released, but apparently a knife-wielding thief forced his way into an apartment in Melbourne, Fla. Unfortunately for him, the guy living there was prepared... with a friggin' NINJA SWORD!

The thief was soon arrested and taken to a hospital with a big-ass cut on his arm from the katana blade wielded by his would-be victim.

Not only did the guy pull out a ninja sword to fend off his attacker, he actually got to use it. I admit it. I'm jealous.

Check out the photo gallery from WFTV-Ch. 9 in Florida. (Full story)

More Stupid Criminals
Subscribe to Stupid Criminals Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

View the original article here

BEDROOM FIRE!! WTF News of the Week (Florida Edition)

A mother decides to wake her daughter up by setting her room on fire!! WTF Stories of the Week! Yesterday's Quick News Update(s) Justin Bieber Punched In The Face - bit.ly Jason Russell Kony Meltdown - bit.ly Is Courtney Stodden 17? - bit.ly Amusement Park Accident - bit.ly Yesterday's...

View the original article here

TX Man Sets New Personal Low: 4 DUIs in 2 Weeks

By JJ Duncan on Four DUIs in three states in two weeks and they let him out on a $200 bond.

Color me incredulous.

This is Caldwell, Tex. man Robert Hood's mugshot after he was arrested in Otoe County, Nebraska Sunday (July 14) morning. He had previously been arrested July 4 in Mitchell, S.D., July 7 in Deadwood, S.D., and again on July 8 in Platte County, Wyo.
It seems like it would take some real conscious effort to put together a driving record like that in less than two weeks. Either this guy is really dumb or really determined to prove he is the World's Drunkest Driver.

More Stupid Criminals
Subscribe to Stupid Criminals Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

View the original article here

And The Fourth House…

Monday, June 11th, 2012 • Filed under Theft

Maybe sometimes it’s not so much a case of dumb criminals as it is dumb crimes. I mean, maybe some of the heists are pulled of ingeniously. It’s just that the heists are the kind of thing taken seriously by absolutely nobody.

Like this one. Ever need 400,000 toothpicks? Here’s your guy. A manufacturer located in Athens was shocked to find that $3,000 worth of toothpicks had disappeared. Mysteriously so, because there were no signs of forced entry, according to Huffington Post. More suspicions as to the crook’s motives were cleared up when two of the factory’s employees reported seeing a man selling containers of toothpicks at the flea market. Now that sounds like a wild party scene.

View the original article here