Denim Demon

Let’s all take a moment to appreciate who does our laundry. Whether it’s your mother (sigh), your wife (okay…), or yourself (congratulations!). Maybe we even need a documentary on laundry-doers through the years…first in a river, then in a Laundromat.  *shudder*

Here’s one story that would definitely be featured. A man in Massachusetts became furious after his girlfriend received a text message from another male. He dropped her off at her house, then sent a text message threatening harm to a $200 pair of jeans. According to Huffington Post, the concerned girlfriend drove back to his house to find him standing in the front yard holding the pants, now covered in wasabi sauce. He ended up throwing them in her face and attempting to take her cell phone. Silly boyfriend, pants are for legs.

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My Heart Will Go On

Sunday, September 9th, 2012 • Filed under Cars, Technology

How far would you go for love? For those of you Jacks and Roses out there, you probably know no limit. But for any Jacks and Megs, your love probably comes second to that of your instruments or saltines.

How about the 13 year olds on Xbox? One in particular was so enamored that she stole her brother’s car and mother’s debit card in preparation for a trek from Texas to Tennessee. This was after her Xbox, the means of communication with her “boyfriend”, had been confiscated. According to Scallywag And Vagabond, her father picked her up halfway through the trip and then even drove her the rest of the way. Sounds like agape to me.

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Careers At Their Finest

Monday, September 3rd, 2012 • Filed under Drugs

Facebook? For jobs? That’s right, it’s called LinkedIn. And no, it’s not like you’re qualified based on how many pictures of cats you’ve published. Or how many Taylor Swift songs you’ve made your status. Or even *gasp*  how many times you’ve been “married” to a friend who also happens to be your “sister”…

Yeah, it gets bad. But at least nobody on Facebook is trying to advertise their meth business. Yet. A woman in Harris County was found out through her LinkedIn profile, on which she describes herself as a “Chemicals Professional”.  According to Houston Press, her rap sheet includes a number of other offenses, such as DWI, stolen goods, and assault. Not really the kind of professional they look for on the internet, hmm?

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Everyone’s Favorite Wearable Rubber

Sunday, August 19th, 2012 • Filed under Cars, Drunks

Math question of the day. What is the result when you add alcohol, Taylor Swift, and Crocs together? No, not the world’s scariest teenage girl. (Obviously that’s the reinvented Miley Cyrus).

This story right here. A man known for co-founding the offensive footwear known as Crocs continued his less-than-necessary contribution to the world by being charged with a DUI. Emphasis on the I. After cursing out the officer who pulled him over, he claimed to have Taylor Swift for a girlfriend. According to Westword, when asked where she was, he pointed to a nearby backyard and said “Nashville”. Doesn’t get more believable than that.

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Robin Hood Level: Stupid

Monday, August 13th, 2012 • Filed under Burglaries, Cars

Have you ever gotten a present you didn’t really ask for? A record, for instance. It’s thrilling that your friend is cool enough to be into vinyl, but there you have absolutely no way to listen to 12 inches of whatever obscure music your friend dug out of the ever-so-esteemed thrift store collection.

Even worse is when you receive a gift from a dumb criminal; it is probably safe to assume that they may not have the best taste.  Especially this man in Georgia who, after robbing one person’s car, left his acquired loot in a neighbor’s.  This was a wallet and camera, according to Dacula Patch. The owner of those decided not to press charges, but how about the guy whose stuff was in the burglar’s car?

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Cheerio, Good Sir

Sunday, August 26th, 2012 • Filed under Banks, Robberies

If there’s one thing rarer than common sense, it’s common courtesy. Luckily this guy at least has the latter.

A man supposedly the age of thirty decided to rob a bank inside of Kroger (as politely as possible). A security camera took an exceptionally clear picture of him tipping his baseball cap to the teller who was being “so kind as to help him rip off the place”. According to Houston Press, he was able to finish the robbery and escape.  But probably not before wishing everyone in line a splendidly jolly day.

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Uninvited Guest

Saturday, August 25th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

If you’re a girl, you’ve probably spent most of your youth dreaming of your wedding day. If you’re a guy,  you’ve probably spent most of your youth dreading it (I mean that’s it, pal, game over). However, I doubt anyone has fantasized about this happening.

A young woman invited a long-time friend to her afternoon wedding reception, apparently without knowing that he had a long-time mental illness. As a rather delayed proclamation of his love, he set his pit-bull mix on the guests and then beat up the groom with a set of brass knuckles. According to Westword blogs, he managed to get away and has caused the bride’s sister to sleep with a gun beside her. Honestly, a useless kitchen contraption from the Target gift registry would have sufficed.

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