YOLO Doesn’t Apply To Gaming

Sunday, June 17th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

Ready for another battle in the endless war of girlfriend vs. video games? Come on, guys, I know we’re not talking dragons or machine gun spaceships…but we are part of real life. Maybe you should check that place out.

An Oklahoma man living with his girlfriend and her kids found himself in a tight situation. He had planned for a night of quality time with his Xbox, but this was sabotaged when the children wanted to watch their shows on their single TV. His girlfriend took her kids’ side, and as a result was grabbed by the neck and thrown onto a couch (X, up, down, triangle). According to City Pages, she called the police, but the guy insisted that he “loves his girlfriend”. Probably to gain health points.

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Cop Fired For Extorting Coffee from Starbucks

By JJ Duncan on He hasn't been charged, but he failed a polygraph, was fired and extortion is criminal and YES it is stupid to say the following to a Starbucks clerk:

"If something happens, either we can respond really fast or we could respond really slow. I've been coming here for years and I've been getting whatever I want. I'm the difference between you getting a two minute response time, if you needed a little help, or a fifteen minute response time."

Those are the alleged words of Lt. Major Garvin, of Daytona Fla. The rogue officer reportedly hit up the coffee shop up to six times a day for his complimentary java fix.

(Read the full story here. )

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Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

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Parenting Level 0

Monday, June 4th, 2012 • Filed under Uncategorized

Ladies and gentleman, please give a warm round of applause to our newest entry in the Mother Of The Year contest! This year’s competition is in honor of….never mind.  I can’t make Casey Anthony jokes; my mom would kill me.

In case her fluorescent pink hair and young age weren’t proof enough of her terrible mothering skills, a Phoenix women was having a bit of trouble bringing home her one month old son. And by a bit of trouble, I mean she drove away with him on the roof. According to Project 961, she had put his baby carrier up there and forgotten about it. This might have suspiciously had something to do with all the beer and pot she and her boyfriend had employed beforehand. Luckily, the child wasn’t hurt, and police arrived at Pinky’s house after receiving calls reporting an abandoned baby. That’s baby, not Christmas tree.

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“Too Late To Apologize”

Sunday, May 20th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

It’s that time of year again, ladies and gentleman: Creepy Couple Competition. My entry is the pair of slightly angsty middle schoolers who referred to each other as “Pudding Cup” in their duration of couple-dom. Feel free to hate on the love in the comments below.

This kind of thing exists in the celebrity world as well. Eddie Fisher, the drummer for One Republic, had been dating a Playboy model. The good life, right? According to Westword, they had gotten into a fight that resulted in bruises and scrapes, as well as the bathroom sink ending up on the floor. There is a lot of dispute surrounding who actually hit who, but I assume a drummer would have the better aim.

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Uncle Gives 1-Year-Old Beer Because 'He's a Champ!'

By JJ Duncan on Hey, I don't care if you think "he can handle it," don't give beer to your infant nephew.
On June 25, 2008, Richard H. Valens, 44, of Muncie, Ind. gave beer to a one-year-old, claiming he could "handle it" because "he's a champ." His girlfriend tried to stop him, so of course he punched her in the face, took off in her SUV and screamed threats and obsceneties while fleeing the scene.

Upon being arrested when he returned a short time later he quipped: "I've been in prison. Send me back, I don't ------- care."

*sigh*

In the real of stupid criminal actions, you couldn't do much worse. Let's take a look at the charges Valens racked up in this little dust-up.
Domestic batteryAuto theftNeglect of a dependentAll three are Class D felonies carrying maximum three-year prison term.

Here's the Chicago Tribute write-up. Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

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MR. MOJO & HOW TO GET A FREE FUNERAL - WTF

How to get a free funeral! Toledo police have arrested a 57-year-old Michigan man and charged him with abuse of a corpse for allegedly "fondling" a woman's body at a west-side funeral home. Also, man calls 911 to report he's invisible, Hidden meth lab in nursing home, a weird church burglary,...

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Crossdressers Can Be Stupid Criminals Too

By Tatiana Guertin on Peter Abramczyk poses for his mug shot at a Concord, N.H. police department. (Image Source The Smoking Gun)

Apparently 39-year-old Peter Abramczyk of Connecticut wasn't aware that putting adds that solicit sex on Craigslist is not OK with the police.

Abramczyk was caught after an ad he placed on Craigslist for the availability of a "passable crossdresser" was found by police, who answered the ad, using an undercover police officer.

He agreed to meet the officer to exchange in a sex act for money.

The most embarrassing part of this whole thing is probably that, for the rest of his life, Abramczyk is going to be known as that guy wearing makeup in his mug shot.

Still, he kind of deserves it, soliciting prostitution, which is illegal in most states, on Craigslist, is not the smartest idea. If you're curious, TheSmokingGun.com has a copy of the Craigslist ad.

Related Articles:A happily married woman. The owner of the cutest dog ever. A journalism graduate. A girl who just loves sports and beer, preferably at the same time.

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