Parenting Level 0

Monday, June 4th, 2012 • Filed under Uncategorized

Ladies and gentleman, please give a warm round of applause to our newest entry in the Mother Of The Year contest! This year’s competition is in honor of….never mind.  I can’t make Casey Anthony jokes; my mom would kill me.

In case her fluorescent pink hair and young age weren’t proof enough of her terrible mothering skills, a Phoenix women was having a bit of trouble bringing home her one month old son. And by a bit of trouble, I mean she drove away with him on the roof. According to Project 961, she had put his baby carrier up there and forgotten about it. This might have suspiciously had something to do with all the beer and pot she and her boyfriend had employed beforehand. Luckily, the child wasn’t hurt, and police arrived at Pinky’s house after receiving calls reporting an abandoned baby. That’s baby, not Christmas tree.

View the original article here

“Too Late To Apologize”

Sunday, May 20th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

It’s that time of year again, ladies and gentleman: Creepy Couple Competition. My entry is the pair of slightly angsty middle schoolers who referred to each other as “Pudding Cup” in their duration of couple-dom. Feel free to hate on the love in the comments below.

This kind of thing exists in the celebrity world as well. Eddie Fisher, the drummer for One Republic, had been dating a Playboy model. The good life, right? According to Westword, they had gotten into a fight that resulted in bruises and scrapes, as well as the bathroom sink ending up on the floor. There is a lot of dispute surrounding who actually hit who, but I assume a drummer would have the better aim.

View the original article here

Uncle Gives 1-Year-Old Beer Because 'He's a Champ!'

By JJ Duncan on Hey, I don't care if you think "he can handle it," don't give beer to your infant nephew.
On June 25, 2008, Richard H. Valens, 44, of Muncie, Ind. gave beer to a one-year-old, claiming he could "handle it" because "he's a champ." His girlfriend tried to stop him, so of course he punched her in the face, took off in her SUV and screamed threats and obsceneties while fleeing the scene.

Upon being arrested when he returned a short time later he quipped: "I've been in prison. Send me back, I don't ------- care."

*sigh*

In the real of stupid criminal actions, you couldn't do much worse. Let's take a look at the charges Valens racked up in this little dust-up.
Domestic batteryAuto theftNeglect of a dependentAll three are Class D felonies carrying maximum three-year prison term.

Here's the Chicago Tribute write-up. Related Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

View the original article here

MR. MOJO & HOW TO GET A FREE FUNERAL - WTF

How to get a free funeral! Toledo police have arrested a 57-year-old Michigan man and charged him with abuse of a corpse for allegedly "fondling" a woman's body at a west-side funeral home. Also, man calls 911 to report he's invisible, Hidden meth lab in nursing home, a weird church burglary,...

View the original article here

Crossdressers Can Be Stupid Criminals Too

By Tatiana Guertin on Peter Abramczyk poses for his mug shot at a Concord, N.H. police department. (Image Source The Smoking Gun)

Apparently 39-year-old Peter Abramczyk of Connecticut wasn't aware that putting adds that solicit sex on Craigslist is not OK with the police.

Abramczyk was caught after an ad he placed on Craigslist for the availability of a "passable crossdresser" was found by police, who answered the ad, using an undercover police officer.

He agreed to meet the officer to exchange in a sex act for money.

The most embarrassing part of this whole thing is probably that, for the rest of his life, Abramczyk is going to be known as that guy wearing makeup in his mug shot.

Still, he kind of deserves it, soliciting prostitution, which is illegal in most states, on Craigslist, is not the smartest idea. If you're curious, TheSmokingGun.com has a copy of the Craigslist ad.

Related Articles:A happily married woman. The owner of the cutest dog ever. A journalism graduate. A girl who just loves sports and beer, preferably at the same time.

View the original article here

One Facebook Album Coming Right Up

Sunday, June 24th, 2012 • Filed under Technology

No girl likes to be stuck in the middle of the eternal Boyfriend vs. Parents war, but if any of you out there have been her, the frustrated boyfriend, or the we-hate-him-only-because-we-love-you parent…at least be thankful that no battle was ever this bad.

After the breakup, the 17 year old male half of a teen relationship was distraught. Because, of course, high school S.O.’s are always The One. Desperate to talk to his 15 year old ex again, he texted her mother a topless picture the girl had sent him. According to Houston Press, he threatened to post it and other pictures all over the web unless he was granted permission to speak to her daughter. Much to his surprise, she called the cops. And that, ladies, is why they belong in your shirt.

View the original article here

'World's Greatest Dad' Sought Sex With 14 y/o Girl

By JJ Duncan on I'm almost speechless. Never have stupidity and tastelessness been combined more seamlessly into one man.

This is Daniel Allen Everett. He's 33, from Clarkston, Mich. and he was arrested in this T-shirt after he went online and arranged a meeting for sex with what he thought was a 14-year-old girl.

Soaked that picture in? Take another look if you need to, I'll wait.

Done?

OK. Yeah. Ick.

Everett now faces two felony counts and could spend as much as 20 years in prison. I can't decide which punishment is worse: losing 20 years in the slammer, or being immortalized in the creepiest mugshot ever.

More Stupid Criminals
Subscribe to Stupid CriminalsRelated Articles:Writer, editor, and sometimes graphic designer for Zimbio.com since 2008. Follow me on Twitter.

View the original article here