Cops: Teens Mistook Man's Ashes for Cocaine

(Newser) – Three teens in St. Peters, Missouri, are accused of breaking into a home and stealing everything from cash to jewelry. One reason this police item is making headlines, however, is because police say the trio also stole what they thought was a box of cocaine, reports the Smoking Gun. Except, no, it was the ashes of the occupant's father. One of the kids allegedly tasted the remains in the getaway car, realized it wasn't cocaine, and tossed the box of ashes out the window. One other reason the story is making headlines: The ashes apparently belonged to the kid's grandfather.

Victim Debora Matthews tells KMOV that two of the three suspects are minors, and those two are her dad's grandsons. "They did that to their grandfather," she says. "They didn’t even realize it was their grandfather’s ashes." All three face multiple felonies, though the minors will go through juvenile court. “I just couldn’t believe that they would take the ashes,” says Matthews. "But you know, they were kids and I guess just stupid."

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Cops: Criminal Mastermind's Disguise 'Ineffective'

(Newser) – Pro tip: When the law is after you and you'd like to alter your appearance so as to avoid speaking with the aforementioned law, maybe try a fat suit or dyeing your hair. Probably what you don't want to do is spraypaint your face black, which is what police in Madera, Calif., say Jose Espinoza tried and which they term, via a wry Facebook post, "an effort to camouflage himself. The camouflage was ineffective." Police say that Espinoza was busted with a stolen car Saturday night; per KTLA, the 23-year-old fled the scene, only to return to his house sporting his less-than-clever disguise. Police were unfooled. Charges were filed. And bail was set at $35,000. In evidence: one spray paint can, a police rep tells ABC.

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Dude Desperate to Make Court Swiped Pal's Car: Cops

(Newser) – A New Jersey man has been accused of stealing a friend's car to avoid missing a court hearing on drug charges. Twenty-one-year-old Jorge Ramirez-Sierra of Riverdale has been charged with unlawful taking of a means of conveyance and driving while suspended, among other counts. Police tell NJ.com the new charges came after a man reported his car missing Friday morning. Police say the man told officers Ramirez-Sierra had "stated multiple times the evening before that he did not know how he was going to get" to court. The next morning, the car had magically disappeared.

While officers were talking with the owner, Ramirez-Sierra called to say he was returning with the vehicle. He was taken into custody after arriving. Per police, Ramirez-Sierra had on his person: a hypodermic needlea crack pipeempty wax bags and other drug paraphernaliaan open airplane bottle of Fireball whiskeyRamirez-Sierra has two days to figure out his next ride to court.

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Man Hiding From Cops Foiled by Own Snapchat Post

(Newser) – Someday, maybe, there will be a story about a fugitive taunting the police via social media that ends differently, but until then ... meet Christopher Wallace. As police were searching for him inside his home in Fairfield, Maine, the 24-year-old burglary suspect posted a message to Snapchat boasting that he was hiding inside a cabinet, reports centralmaine.com. The message disappeared quickly, as Snapchat messages do, but somebody called the cops to let them know what it said.

“A search of the kitchen cabinets turned up some food, some pots and pans, and also a pair of feet,” recounts a gleeful Facebook post from the Somerset County Sheriff's Office. “The pair of feet just so happened to be attached to a person, and that person was Christopher Wallace. He was removed from the cabinet and placed under arrest.” And how did police know to search the home in the first place? An earlier Snapchat post by Wallace, of course.

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Cops Laugh About Stoner's To-Do List on Twitter

(Newser) – Police officers are people, too. And like us, they share their hilarious finds on Twitter. Take this example: Police in Murdoch, Western Australia, were executing a search warrant on a house in Perth, relating to a burglary investigation, when they uncovered a rather amusing to-do list, News.com.au reports. It described an individual's busy Saturday laid out with helpful reminders like "go to bus stop" and "go get lunch (chips and gravy)," per Mashable. The last two entries on the 10-item list, adding fuel to the idea that marijuana causes memory problems, were "go home and get a stick" and then "chop up and get stoned"—because, you know, sometimes you forget.

Police tweeted a photo of the list, with the caption, "Are ur Saturdays hectic like this!!!" They followed that up with, "Yes, the to do list was authentic, I don't think any of us here could make it up if we tried! #nosenseofhumour." The witty replies flooded in. "At least he had realistic personal goals which he probably achieved," one user quipped. But not all social media users were as amused. "No wonder our homes keep getting broken into. The Murdoch police are too busy embarrassing drug addicts on social media. Grow up," another added, per News.com.au. (The list-writer joins a long tradition of misguided potheads.)

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Guy Busted With Container Labeled 'Not Weed'

(Newser) – He put his weed in there: The crack law enforcement in Lincoln, Neb., were apparently unfooled by a 21-year-old man's sour cream container labeled "Not Weed." As the Lincoln Journal-Star reports, the unnamed man was pulled over about 9pm on Saturday on suspicion of drunken driving. During a subsequent search of the man's vehicle, cops found the 16-ounce container under the driver's seat with—despite its seemingly crystal clear label—about 11 grams of weed inside. The man is charged with "not" driving under the influence of alcohol and "not" possessing less than an ounce of weed. Three apparently stone-cold sober passengers were actually not charged.

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Things You Don't Instagram: Your Bank Robbery

(Newser) – "I decided to go to the bank. She gave me money, and I left," Dominyk Antonio Alfonseca tells WAVY from his perch in jail. “I videotaped it. If it was a robbery, I don’t think I would videotape it, post the picture of the letter and do that all to come to jail.” Where police in Virginia Beach and Alfonseca agree: The 23-year-old walked into a bank Monday afternoon and handed the teller a note that read, "I need 150,000 Bonds Right NOW!! Please Police take 3 to 4 minites to get here, I would appriceate if you Ring the alarm a minute after I am gone... Make sure the money doesn't BLOW UP ON MY WAY OUT,-)" He then walked out $150,000 richer. Alfonseca next helpfully posted two videos of the exchange to Instagram, as well as a photo of his note.

Where police and Alfonseca diverge in their characterization of events: Alfonseca tells the Virginian-Pilot that he made a simple request and was "basically asking permission for money"; "She could have said no, and I could have left," he tells WTVR, which notes that the ever-so-chatty Alfonseca "wanted to give shout-outs to Michelle Obama, Justin Bieber, and Lady Gaga." And while he did, in fact, say "please" and use a little winky emoticon, police who arrested him 22 minutes later seem to think a crime was involved and charged him with robbery. It's not the first time Alfonseca has contemplated the not-terribly-fine line between theft and non-theft: In another post he muses, "Should I Pay For My Items in Cash Routine Or Should I Just Take What Ever I Want?" (Want more criminal masterminds? Go here.)

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