Soulmates

Monday, January 21st, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Drunks

“You make me a better person.” As cliché as that may sound, it’s probably a good element to have in a marriage. If you’re nuts for a health nut, jog with them. If someone cooler than you made a mix tape, you better listen to that or else. And if someone is really into drinking and driving…

Wait, no. Some habits just should not be picked up in a relationship. A married couple in Rhode Island found this out when they were both arrested for DUI. On the same night, but in separately. Suspicious? Little bit. According to Huffington Post, the husband was actually charged while riding his motorcycle to see his wife in custody. Lord only knows what their kids are like…

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Brownies Weren’t Healthy

Tuesday, January 15th, 2013 • Filed under Drugs, Smugglers

What’s better in soup, marijuana or vegetables? Well, we all know which one is better in you.

There was confusion about this raised in California. Inside $500,000 worth of frozen carrots, someone had hidden 310 pounds of marijuana. According to Huffington Post, the truck was inspected by officials and the driver is facing federal drug charges. Would have made more sense to hide the weed in Taco Bell chalupas, where only other potheads will find it.

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Petsitting 101

Sunday, January 6th, 2013 • Filed under Cars, Guns

Over winter vacation, my family and I had the opportunity to visit a place called Rainforest Adventures. Although most rainforest animals were missing and replaced by commonplace creatures like goats and mice, it was certainly an adventure. The chinchilla exhibit even featured a plastic fork in the corner, when they had clearly finished their lunch. Sadly, this kind of nonsense happens even when pets are legally owned.

A woman was spotted walking a Chihuahua she was babysitting. Why would this be a big deal? Only because she was driving while holding the leash out the window.  When a concerned neighbor inquired about this, the woman threatened to get her gun. According to WestWord Blogs, she was later arrested  back at her home. And the poor puppy was returned to Taco Bell.

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No Pineapple, At Least

Monday, November 19th, 2012 • Filed under Cars

Frozen, greasy, cold, steaming, homemade, meaty, or vegetable-y…everybody loves pizza. There’s not much I wouldn’t do for a slice of pizza at any given time. Better yet if it was calorie-free. Or even just free.

Luckily I don’t have to give up my house to be offered pizza, unlike these people in Indiana. A man who had previously consumed five beers was having trouble driving (shocking enough), and was unable to stop himself from driving into a house. Needless to say, the inhabitants were unhappy. So he said the logical thing: “Want some pizza?” According to Huffington Post, he really did have a pizza and a bottle of hot sauce in the backseat of his car. Amends made?

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Medium Rare, Please

Giving Christmas presents becomes increasingly difficult as everyone grows up. Few people have the need for a third toaster, and nobody wants one of those hideous sweaters with the dancing cats. So what simple object can prove useful?

Clearly, it’s a barbecue fork. When a teenage thief in Texas attempted a home invasion, he was faced with a surprise. The 73 year old homeowner grabbed a pair of scissors and a barbecue fork and met him at the back door. According to HP, she then stabbed him in the neck with the fork.  We’re not quite sure who’s the victim and who’s the criminal here…

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Small Potatoes

Sunday, October 7th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults

Everybody has weird little quirks. A conversation with a group of friends once went like this: “If you could incorporate any food into your sex life, which would it be?” “Chocolate.” “Yeah, probably chocolate.” “Chocolate sounds good.” “OMG MASHED POTATOES!” Someone’s a lucky guy…

Occasionally, having said quirks can get people arrested. A woman in Florida ordered mashed potatoes and was disappointed when they were cold. She requested a 50% discount, and instead received a credit slip to be used on her next visit. This visit came next Monday, according to HP, when the woman arrived again to speak to the manager. This ended in a fight, and the police were called after the manager had nearly been throttled. This is why starch is unhealthy.

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Not Funny.

Monday, November 19th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Other Weapons

Did you know that clowns are one of the top ten most common phobias? Not surprising, and I’ll just stop this line of thought before giving any of you (or myself) nightmares for a week.

Even cops run into problems with these guys. A man was driving down the road when he witnessed what appeared to be a policeman beating up a clown. Upon looking closer, he confirmed that it was indeed a cop beating up a clown, and took a video. According to WISN, the story behind this was that the clown had been squirting every passing car with a water gun, and therefore needed to be taken care of. Hopefully taken back to the circus.

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