Spitting Or Non-Spitting?

Sunday, April 22nd, 2012 • Filed under Caught on tape

Fast food seemed like a great idea at the time, but it’s gotten just downright scary. French fries are probably filled with more meat than the actual “burger” is, and Taco Bell fills its crispy shells using a legitimate meat tube. Like, my (imaginary) dog receives better nutrition.

Even worse, now we have to worry about how the workers prepare food, in addition to the dangers of ingesting said food. According to Los Angeles Times, an employee in a South Carolina McDonald’s pulled the nasty trick of spitting in a customer’s drink. The alleged story is that a mother and daughter requested another order of sweet tea because the first “wasn’t sweet enough”. Instead of adding more sugar, the employee added his own special ingredient…only to be caught on camera later when the customers complained. Can’t imagine why, nothing’s healthier than fresh DNA.

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Furby: Not Recommended For…Anyone

Sunday, March 25th, 2012 • Filed under Guns, Murderers

Everyone has something from their childhood that haunts them to this day. I, for instance, will forever be terrified of Gushers, because I feel no desire to have my head replaced with giant fruit. Please share in the comments which ridiculous images still lurk in your earliest memories.

Not surprisingly, Furbys are considered to be horrifying as well. But is it horrifying enough to shoot? According to Huffington Post, a man claimed he had shot his long-time girlfriend by accident. However, a testimony by one of his friends raised suspicion. She told of how their group of four was sitting and drinking one afternoon, when the man became so enraged by a noisy Furby on the table that he threatened to “blow its brains out”. Furby continued to speak, so he shot it right between its eyes. This story served as proof of the man’s temper and accuracy, both of which could have played a part in the murder of his wife. And Furby. A moment of silence, please.

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“Sweetheart, You Know That Don’t Thrill Me.”

Friday, April 20th, 2012 • Filed under Other

How far would you go to get out of the friendzone? Show up with chicken noodle soup on a sick day? Send the sexiest of sexy pictures? Suffer through an Indiana Jones movie or an episode of Pretty Little Liars with said friendzoner?

I bet you can’t beat these guys! When a Nebraska woman decided she didn’t want to show up for her probation appointment, she took procrastination to the extreme by asking her two male friends to stab her in the stomach and shoulder. Dedicated fellows, it seems. According to AJC Mobile, she was sentenced to a year in prison. While this seems appropriate, I can’t even put a name to the law she could’ve have violated. “Thou shalt not request a stabbing?”

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Bonding Time!

Sunday, April 1st, 2012 • Filed under Robberies

Maintaining a decent mother-daughter relationship can be tough. There’s always the controlling mom trying to “relive the glory days” through her high school kid. Or the mom who’s so clueless she still thinks twilight is a time of day. But worst of all is the mom who wants to be considered a friend, and ends up swapping hookup tips at the dinner table. Like, uh, please pass the awk?

But if all else fails, you two can commit crimes together! An almost-60 year old woman and her 30 year old daughter were caught speeding away from a Regions bank with the loot and a gun in the car. The mother had walked in with a wig and gun to demand cash, while the daughter waited in the getaway car. According to Houston Press, this isn’t the first time they’ve had this type of outing. At least it beats Toddlers and Tiaras…

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Pics Or It Didn’t Happen

Friday, April 20th, 2012 • Filed under Cars, Caught on tape

It’s not official ‘till it hits Facebook, right? There’s no science homework unless someone writes a whiny status. They’re not dating until make-out pictures gack up your news feed. And, of course, someone is your friend if, and only if, you click “confirm”.

This rule even applies to criminals! A young man in Kentucky might’ve been going through a dry spell with his girlfriend, so they spent a wild night siphoning gas from a police car. She took a picture of him flipping off the camera in the act and stuck it on Facebook, because that’s the kind of classy couple they are. According to WKYT, the boyfriend claimed he had not actually taken gas from the car. When investigated further, he said he had “tried but there wasn’t much in it”. He ended up spending a night in jail, sans the f*ck-you flip-flops.

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I Can Haz Moneh

Sunday, March 11th, 2012 • Filed under Break-Ins, Burglaries

Little kids can be great. They cheer you up when you’re down, make you more attractive to the opposite sex, and are hilarious when swearing on Youtube.

But how often can they stop a burglar? A man in Germany walked into a house one evening with every intention of robbing it, and held up a gun to the poor babysitter’s face. The two children heard the commotion, and ran upstairs. Much to the robber’s surprise, they came back down with their hard-earned savings in hand. According to The Local, the man was embarrassed/shocked/ashamed/touched (insert description of choice) and turned around and left. Looks like the police department has some possible new recruits.

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You Make Me Nervous, So…

Monday, March 19th, 2012 • Filed under Robberies, Theft

First dates are traumatic. Dating, in general, is such a stressor. It would be so much easier to live in fairy tale-time…where you saw a hot guy riding a horse, sang to him, and lived happily ever after. And never had to worry about bad breath or tripping on your fancy heels.  Heck, sometimes all you have to do is sleep until he shows up.

But if you think you’ve had some terrible dates, check out True Crime Report. A young man, going by the name of Florenciano Valentino, took a girl out to lunch…while his friend robbed her garage of $5,000 worth of electronics. In addition, “Mr. Valentino” also snatched his date’s cell phone and left her with the bill. Silly. Every guy knows that most women don’t do theft ‘till the second date.

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