Just ‘Cause You Didn’t Get Your Letter…

Monday, November 5th, 2012 • Filed under Assaults, Kidnappings

Sometimes kids just take it to the next level, you know? All you were trying to do was recapture your “friend” who had left the scout troop to live in the woods with his crazy, scissor-wielding girlfriend. And then your dog ends up hurt, so unfair.

While that story may be a work of fiction, this one isn’t. Ten teenagers, apparently a bit lonely and in need of a pet, approached a younger boy who happened to be walking his pet owl. The teenagers attacked the owner with Silly String, and punched him in the face upon his retaliation. Luckily he escaped with the owl, according to HP. Maybe being wise doesn’t always equate to being lucky.

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Ghost Of The Town

Monday, November 5th, 2012 • Filed under Robberies

Boo! Happy late Halloween. In honor of the already-passed holiday, allow me to introduce a criminal well past his prime.

A man in Chicago was feeling hungry, so he decided to rob a Subway franchise. Of course, the plan wasn’t complete without added complications. This one came in the form of a Halloween disguise—a ghost costume, to be exact. According to Huffington Post, he almost succeeded in holding up the restaurant, until another employee threw hot soup at him. I didn’t even know Subway offered that as a menu item, but thank goodness they do.

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A Latte Of Trouble

Nothing is quite as necessary to America’s productivity as coffee is. Imagine if we all functioned off of something different. Say, applesauce. Every meeting had an applesauce break, and applesauce machines were a kitchen staple. Reports were turned in dotted with applesauce stains, and everybody had applesauce travel mugs.

But the question is, can you rob hotels with applesauce? No, but apparently it’s doable with coffee. A man in Virginia entered a hotel (one that has actually been the site of previous crime), and threw a cup of hot coffee in the receptionist’s face. According to Huffington Post, he was then able to snatch a cell phone and a cash drawer filled with about $450. The suspect hasn’t been found yet, probably because the police are using decaf for their job.

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Inventory Check

Ever heard the “fun” fact that everything around you can be used as a weapon? Well, it’s not a challenge.

An elderly man in Florida took it as one, however. He was faced with a multitude of charges after wreaking havoc on neighborhood women. The first happened to pregnant, so logically he poked her with a 4-foot sword. When a second woman intervened, he got testy and threatened her. A third woman heard the commotion and tried to help, but stopped when her chest was smeared with a peanut butter sandwich. According to Huff Post, the man still had some “fight” left in him and bit off part of the seat in the police car after being arrested. This is why sandwiches are for eating.

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They Shouted Never

What’s the happiest instrument you can think of? Definitely not a Theremin. Maybe a sitar, or a didgeridoo? How about a glockenspiel? No, my guess would be a ukulele. However, this story may change your mind…

In Seattle, a young man and woman attempted to steal six beers from a gas station. Malt-liquor (what?) beers, to be exact. The male accomplished this by hitting the store clerk over the head with a ukulele, breaking the instrument and cutting the victims scalp. According to Seattle Weekly, the suspects had fled by the time the police arrived on the scene. Silently, unfortunately.

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Tasteless Facebook Photos Help Prosecute Drunken Driver

By JJ Duncan on At some point I predict we'll stop seeing cases where blatantly bad behavior posted all over social networking sites gets people in serious trouble.

At some point, people like Joshua Lipton will say to themselves "hey you know what? I get it. It's both stupid and tasteless to post pictures of me partying in a jailbird outfit while the victim of my drunken driving recovers in a hospital."

But that time has yet to come. Lipton's Facebook pictures helped prosecutors argue successfully for a two-year prison term for the seemingly unrepentant partier. (More CNN Crime )

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Haters Gonna Hate

Sunday, September 16th, 2012 • Filed under Other

Remember how you always thought your parents were lame for listening to old music? Well, imagine driving your kids to school with Lady Gaga blasting out the speakers. Imagine driving your kids to school. Imagine driving. Yeah, maybe we’re thinking too far ahead here.

A woman in New Hampshire managed to get arrested four times in only 26 hours. How? Outdated music taste. Turned up loud enough for the neighbors to hear. According to Huffington Post, the police issued a warning against her earsplitting soundtrack of “Highway To Hell”. She refused to comply, and was arrested multiple times. At one point her nephew tried to pick up some of his stuff from her house and the woman, ever so reasonable, threw a frying pan at him. “Oh mama, I have got to get me one of these.”

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